


Like Lovers Do

by alternatively_troublesome



Category: Bandersnatch - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, BUT STEFAN AND COLIN WILL STAY ALIVE THROUGHOUT, Canonical Character Death, Colin will NOT be jumping off a building, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, don't worry guys this will not be the same sadness-fest that was bandersnatch, it will also be significantly less black mirror-y, no one's choices are controlled here, rating might change along the way, so I lied there is angst, stefan will NOT be killing his dad, this is just going to be happiness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-02 21:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 19,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alternatively_troublesome/pseuds/alternatively_troublesome
Summary: It's the first day of class, and The Colin Ritman will not stop staring.AKA I needed to write an AU for this because it's too hard to make happiness happen in the canon.AKA IT'S A UNIVERSITY AU(Title from "Here Comes the Rain Again" by Eurythmics)





	1. Manic Monday

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO FRIENDS. So as soon as I finished Bandersnatch, I knew that I needed to write a fanfic for it. And then I saw how dismal the Colin/Stefan tag is on ao3 (I mean, props to the other 11 of you, but THERE NEED TO BE MORE) and I knew that I needed to write a fic ASAP. I also knew I wanted to do an AU, because everything I write is an AU and the canon here is just too darn sad. 
> 
> AS A NOTE, please bear with me for funky characterizations and weirdness. While the AU gives me more freedom with that, I still want to be mostly faithful to the characterizations from Bandersnatch, but that's really tough because it depends on the choices and the scenarios so. SO. this is a Challenge to write. constructive criticism is encouraged (but pls be nice I have feelings)!! 
> 
> OK, I GOT NOTHING ELSE, LET'S GET TO READING.

The projected slide at the front of the room read, “ICS 350: Video Games & Virtual Reality.” Stefan sighed, relieved that he was in the right room. He’d walked into the wrong class too many times to count, and it never got any less awkward. This room was a tiny one, nuzzled in the back corner of the computer science building. Its walls were somewhere (nowhere good) between yellow and white, and dark wooden tables created a large square in the middle of the room. Stefan was early—or, at least, early enough that the room was basically empty. The only one there was, presumably, the professor: a man—maybe in his forties or fifties—who was engrossed in the computer screen before him. He didn’t look up when Stefan entered, for which Stefan was eternally grateful.

Stefan took a seat in one of the far corners of the table-square and pulled his laptop from his bag. A patented computer science major move, or at least a patented Stefan move: recede into technology as an excuse to avoid potentially uncomfortable social interactions. He resisted the urge to sigh—he was really starting the semester off on the right note.

The door swung open and in walked The Colin Ritman. Stefan watched him cross the room to speak with the professor, dumbstruck and completely deaf to what they were saying. _The Colin Ritman_. He was a legend in the department. More like a rock star, really. This would be his first semester as a senior, but he’d already created and released an ultra-successful (and ultra-cool) video game. 5/5 stars, even.

“Yes?”

Stefan blinked and realized both the professor and The Colin Ritman were staring at him, and then he remembered that he had been staring at them.

“Ah—nothing, sorry,” Stefan mumbled, quickly averting his gaze and attention to his laptop. He could feel their eyes, still on him, the silence in the room deafening even as he typed his password. An eternal minute passed before the door burst open and students began filing in, filling the classroom with noise and putting a nice buffer between Stefan and The Colin Ritman.

“Okay, it’s about 9,” the professor chimed in, and the room grew quiet. “Let’s get started.”

It was the usual syllabus day sort of class for most of the time. A series of assignments, warnings to attend class and turn in projects on time, etcetera, etcetera. Normally, Stefan would have relished a day like this, especially when so few professors were willing to spend an entire class day on the syllabus now, but he couldn’t. He had seen—out of the corner of his eye—Colin take a seat near the front of the room, tilting his chair back and slouching in it, and he had felt, for every moment since, Colin’s penetrating gaze. He refused to look over, but he knew he was being watched, and he couldn’t figure out why. Worse, he couldn’t pay a second of attention to the professor because he was trying so hard to understand what he had done to cause The Colin Ritman to give him the death stare of the century.

“Now, if you run into any trouble,” the professor was saying, “just talk to one of the TA’s. There are a few more—their emails are in the syllabus—but we’ve just got Colin today.” Stefan cautioned a glance at Colin and was relieved to find Colin wasn’t looking at him anymore. He gave a curt nod to the class before looking towards the professor. “Colin won’t say this—he’s a man of few words—but many of you may know him, or at least you may have heard of his game, _Nohzdyve_. He’s a talented programmer and creator, so he’s a great resource. But, well, try not to spend too much time drooling over him and his wisdom?”

There were some laughs around the room and the professor moved on, but Stefan stopped listening. Colin was looking at him again, and now Stefan was looking back, and this—this would be actual hell if it went on for an entire semester. But he was stuck. The Colin Ritman was looking at him—he couldn’t just look away. And then the weight of Colin’s gaze grew heavier, heavy enough that Stefan looked away and realized that the entire classroom was staring at him. He panicked, frantically looking to the professor, who just looked confused.

“I’m sorry, what was the question?” Stefan asked, hating the way his voice sounded so tinny in the silence.

“We’re just going around the room and saying our names,” the professor supplied. Stefan felt like an idiot.

“Oh.” He quickly looked down at the stained blue carpet in the center of the square. “Stefan.”

“Thank you, Stefan,” the professor said. “Hopefully you’re more attentive in class, hm?” Stefan could only look at him for a split second, giving a fast nod before fixing his gaze to the carpet again. The others continued with their names, but Stefan’s blood was already racing through his veins. He almost didn’t notice Colin still staring at him. Almost.

The minute the professor called for the end of class and others began packing, Stefan shoved his laptop into his backpack and made a beeline for the door. He could still feel Colin watching him, but he wasn’t about to confront The Colin Ritman on day one of class. He would avoid. Avoiding was the best option.

He tried to ignore the twinge in his gut that suggested otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehhh? ehhhhhhhh??
> 
> SO THAT WAS CHAPTER ONE! Super short, I know, but I just needed to put something down. Again, I would looooove all the feedback you can offer <3 
> 
> I have absolutely no idea how long this thing is going to be because I'm still considering the whole plot thing, but we'll see. IT'LL BE FUN. 
> 
> anyway!! please kudos and comment and all that fun stuff!!


	2. It's No Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avoiding wasn't the right choice. Let's try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL HERE WE ARE AGAIN, GUYS. I am floored with the amount of positive feedback I have received on this fic!! I'm really glad it's working well so far, but please don't hesitate with that constructive criticism. 
> 
> ALSO idk if y'all noticed, but the chapter titles are song titles! chapter one was "Manic Monday" by The Bangles and today's is "It's No Good" by Depeche Mode. I'm a huge music buff, so that'll probably be a big thing here!
> 
> ALRIGHT! ENJOY READING!!

On Thursday, he did it all again. The same tiny, sepia room, once again empty except for him and the professor. The same silence, no exchange necessary. The same escape method: a laptop. It felt like everything was happening all over again, which meant—

The Colin Ritman walked through the door, tucking a roll-up behind his ear and walking straight to the professor, sparing no time to glance at Stefan. Stefan was relieved, or at least, he thought he ought to be as he stared at this desktop. Problem solved, right? It didn’t feel quite right, but nothing ever felt quite right for Stefan, so he let it go as best he could. He had things to do. He had been planning a game over the summer and this class gave him the chance to get some feedback, maybe even from—

 “Bandersnatch?” a voice behind him drawled, and Stefan jumped in his seat. He turned and found himself face to face with Colin, who was leaning down, one hand splayed across the back of Stefan’s chair, the other on the table. He was looking right at Stefan’s screen, at the word document Stefan had covered with his manic notes on his game.

 “I—yes,” Stefan managed as coolly as possible, which was not coolly at all, but Colin didn’t even seem to hear. His eyes—a bright blue lit up by the laptop screen glow—were fixed on that document, reading. He looked… well, he looked fascinated. Entranced, even. Stefan glanced towards the professor to see if he had any part in this, but he was scowling at the classroom desktop. Colin had, apparently, just decided to come and hassle Stefan of his own free will.

Colin hummed cryptically—Stefan desperately wanted to know if he was satisfied or not, but he didn’t want to incur any further wrath than he had apparently already accumulated—before pushing away from the table and the chair and Stefan, rejoining the professor at the front of the room just in time for the door to open and the rest of the class to file in.

And then class started and Colin just… acted normal, Stefan supposed, which entailed scrolling through his phone, looking up every couple minutes for a second, and not staring at Stefan. It was too strange. First, Colin stares at Stefan like there’s no tomorrow. Next, he studies Stefan’s game plans and expresses absolutely no opinion on it. Now, he just acts like nothing is happening? Unacceptable!

Stefan only half-listened to the professor, absentmindedly taking sparse notes, too focused on trying to figure out what to do. Sometimes he wished someone would just tell him. It would be easier, then, and he was sure things would turn out better. But it wasn’t like that here. Maybe in a video game, but not the real world.

"Stefan has a good one,” stated Colin, and suddenly all eyes in the room were back on him.

“I do?” Stefan asked, because it sounded better than, _Sorry, prof, wasn’t listening_. From the look in Colin’s eyes—was that amusement?—the sentiment had still, unfortunately, been expressed.

“Apparently,” the professor decided. “Would you mind sharing your idea?”

For a moment, the question didn’t register in Stefan’s mind. His idea? Idea about what? And then— _Oh_ —it hit him in the face. Colin had been looking at his game idea. Colin had said Stefan has a good one—presumably an idea, presumably Bandersnatch. And everyone was looking at him, waiting for him to fill the longest silence known to man.

“It’s, ah, not quite ready,” Stefan admitted. “Still working on it.” If he hadn’t been looking at Colin as he said this, he wouldn’t have noticed the way Colin’s eyes squinted a little more, the way the whisper of a smile trailed at the corner of his lips. It felt like approval.

“Fair enough,” the professor conceded, and moved forward in the lecture. Stefan didn’t break eye contact with Colin; oddly enough, it felt more comfortable than not. And then the professor said something, and Colin interjected, his gaze lingering on Stefan for a split-second before returning to the professor.

Apparently, avoiding _was_ the wrong choice.

The class ended soon after, a little early, and the other students were pleased enough to make a speedy exit. Stefan stayed behind, taking more time than reasonable sliding his laptop into his bag, unfurling his headphones, waiting until Colin was ready to disengage from class and finally _actually_ engage with him. It didn’t take much work; Colin crossed the room while Stefan was debating on what music to cue up.

“You’re a fan of Depche Mode?” he asked in a way that made his words sound more statement than question, and Stefan couldn’t figure out the correct answer. He opted for the honest one.

“Yes?”

Colin hummed. He had a habit of doing that.

“You liked my game?” Stefan blurted, all patience lost after two days of bottled up questions. What could pass for surprise registered across Colin’s placid features before he gave a dispassionate shrug and another hum.

“There’s potential,” he clarified, walking towards the door. Stefan followed; how could he not? Colin pulled the roll-up out from behind his ear and put it to his mouth. “Intense, though.”

Stefan opened and shut his mouth. It was intense, but it was intense for a reason. It was—

“Based on that book, yeah?” Colin filled in.

“Uh, yeah, yes, yes,” Stefan stammered because _The Colin Ritman liked his game and knew what he was trying to do and maybe even read the book_.

“Didn’t that guy go insane and kill his wife?” Colin asked, and Stefan had to pause before answering.

“Uh, yup, that too,” he settled on, and Colin honest-to-god laughed. Not loudly or obnoxiously, but a small huff, and Stefan was sure the gods were smiling down on him.

Colin stopped in the middle of the hallway, and Stefan almost tripped over himself stopping, and then Colin was looking at him, studying him, contemplating _something_. Stefan fidgeted, his fingers pulling at the hem of his jumper, and kept looking between the scuffed floor and Colin’s gaze. Finally, Colin pulled out his lighter, lit the roll-up in his mouth, and took a drag.

“What if you did something else?” he asked.

“Uhm, I’m confused,” Stefan admitted, furrowing his brow. He thought Colin had liked his game. Had he been lying? But why? What was this guy’s—

“Stop thinking so hard,” Colin demanded, curt but not unkind. “Look, the game has potential, but it’s heavy. Not that heavy is bad, but maybe… maybe start with something smaller.”

“Oh” was all Stefan could manage. He felt like he had whiplash. He felt like he had been punched in the gut. Of course Colin would see him as some newb, or loser, or—

“Hey, stop,” Colin stated, and Stefan had to comply. “Choose your own adventure is good. Do that. But _Bandersnatch_ is full of tragic endings and only tragic endings. Do that, and I think you and everyone who plays it will go as crazy as that writer, hm?”

Stefan took a deep breath, about to speak, but then he stopped, still processing.

“Don’t get so tied up in canon,” Colin summarized. “Do your own thing.” He took another drag, then continued walking down the hall. “See you next class, Stefan,” he called back, and Stefan…

Well, Stefan stayed in that hallway for a few minutes longer, students and professors passing him by. Too much to digest. So many things he didn’t understand. So much he would have to rethink, to change.

And yet, he kept returning to the same thought: Colin knew his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL this chapter got meta, didn't it. to be clear, this is definitely an AU and definitely not going to be like bandersnatch (as advertised in the tags). BUT yeah it might get a little meta from time to time. this will also be around the usual chapter length, I think, so not super long. you may also have figured out it's a lil bit of a slow burn (but not like 50,000 words till they get together kind of slow, because I'm impatient)! 
> 
> thanks so much for reading and for supporting this fic!! please please please give kudos, subscribe, comment, all that fun stuff!! <3


	3. Hungry Like the Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyday is a class day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, first of all, I want to repeat that I AM SO PLEASED BY ALL OF YOUR RESPONSES, AND I'M SO GLAD THAT SO MANY OF YOU THINK I'M DOING THE CHARACTERS AND THIS AU JUSTICE BECAUSE WOW BLESS YOU THAT IS SO KIND 
> 
> I also wanted to clarify that this is also in modern day (hence Colin on his phone last time) instead of the 1980s, even tho all of the chapter titles so far have been 80s songs (though that might change soon, because "Superposition" by Young the Giant is legit Their Song, like I was caught between naming this fic either that or the title it has now because it's !!! so perfect). 
> 
> AND THAT'S IT, GO READ

Stefan had just hoisted with both hands a burger from the mess hall towards his mouth when his phone began buzzing in his pocket. He groaned, set the burger down, and hastily crumpled his napkins up in an effort to clean his hands. When he pulled his phone out, Stefan was greeted with the picture of his father smiling back at him. His father always had the worst timing. He slid his finger over the screen, remnants of grease inhibiting for a few swipes, and held it up to his ear.

“Hullo?”

“Stefan! Wonderful! So glad I got you; it seems like I always call when you’re busy,” his father commented, blatantly passive aggressive.

“Uh, yeah, hi, dad,” Stefan greeted. It was easier to ignore the jabs than comment on them.

“Well, how are things going?” he asked.

“All fine. Classes are fine, and—” Stefan began, but his father cut him off.

“Of _course_ your classes are going fine,” his dad said. “You’re a smart boy. How are other things? Dorming still alright?”

Ah, the dorming problem. When Stefan began university, he knew he wanted to live in the dorms. He loved his dad, but he went a little crazy when they were together too often. His dad had a way of popping up when Stefan was at his lowest, making the situation even worse. So dorms. His father wasn’t a fan of the plan, which he made very clear, but he went along with it nonetheless. An endorsement from Dr. Hayes had significantly helped.

“Perfect, dad,” Stefan grunted, shoveling a fry into his mouth.

“Good, good. Any cute girls?”

“Dad,” Stefan warned.

“Boys?”

“ _Dad_!”

“Because that’s alright, too, y’know.”

“I know! I—Dad, please,” Stefan sighed, shutting his eyes.

“Alright, alright,” his dad surrendered. Stefan could practically see him putting his hands up. “How’s that game, then? Bander-something-or-other?”

“Bandersnatch,” Stefan corrected, chewing on another fry. “It’s—I’m doing something different now. Colin Ritman said—”

“Colin Ritman? You mean, ‘The Actual Colin Ritman’?” his father asked, and Stefan cringed.

“Yeah, that’s the one,” he admitted. “He said it might be too… too _much_ for right now.” There was a pause as his father hesitated. Stefan could practically see him opening and shutting his mouth, a habit Stefan had picked up over the years.

“Whatever you think is right, son,” he finally said, and Stefan smiled. He knew his dad was working on letting him be his own person. He knew it was tough to let go, especially after his mom, but his dad was trying and that was enough.

“Thanks, dad,” Stefan sighed. “I think I’ll change it up.”

“Great. Now, about the whole _dating_ thing—" his dad began, and that was Stefan’s cue to try to figure out how to eat a burger one-handed.

 

~~~

 

The smells of the coffee shop always soothed Stefan, even during the worst rushes, even with the rudest customers. Whenever he was working, the world floated away; all that was left was him and the espresso machine, the rhythm of creation setting him free. Tedium never bothered Stefan, especially not here.

That’s why, when one of the baristas asked to swap his Saturday night shift, Stefan hadn’t hesitated to agree. It would be a slow shift, and he’d probably end up working alone for most of it, but that was alright. After all, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do.

By eight, he was, as predicted, alone behind the counter. A couple was huddled up in the corner, talking quietly over a set of hot chocolates, and one or two regular workaholics were at their usual tables, typing away as their drinks grew cold. Stefan sat atop a stool near the register, a book propped up on it. He looked up every few minutes, making sure the place wasn’t burning down, but was caught in a particularly riveting section when the door opened and a man strolled up to the counter. Stefan only noticed his presence when his head blocked the light, and when he looked up then, he found Colin Ritman, smirking.

“Fancy seeing you here,” he purred, and Stefan nearly fell off his stool.

"Colin! What’re you doing here?” Stefan asked, his voice loud enough to draw the attention of the couple, who glared at him before returning to staring longingly into each other’s eyes, or whatever it was couples did. Colin, on the other hand, just looked amused.

“All work and no caffeine makes Colin a dull boy,” he quipped, leaning against the counter and pushing up his glasses. “I’ve been coding and grading. Thought I could use a break before I failed everyone and destroyed my computer.”

Stefan laughed, and Colin seemed to perk up. It was odd—he always seemed so on edge in class. Maybe he was more night owl than morning person. A silence fell between them, and Stefan realized with a start that he had been staring again.

"Coffee!” he exclaimed, once again jolting the nearby patrons. “You want coffee,” he said more quietly, trying to ignore the full-fledged smile on Colin’s lips. “What can I get you?”

“Dealer’s choice,” Colin answered. “As long as it has coffee, I’ll be happy.”

“Okay,” Stefan said, trying not to visibly panic. What if he messed up? What if Colin hated it? What if this was all a test and—And then Stefan remembered Colin’s earlier demand to stop thinking so much, took a deep breath, and got to work.

“So, who’d you piss off to get this shift?” Colin asked, and Stefan resisted the urge to jump again. He wasn’t used to customers talking to him in the time between ordering and receiving their drink. He tried to push down the giddiness he felt that Colin wanted to talk to him.

“No one. It’s actually sort of peaceful,” Stefan answered truthfully as he tamped the espresso. Colin hummed, and it sounded like understanding. A comfortable silence fell between them as Stefan worked. He glanced up only once, as he was steaming the milk, and found Colin watching him. He’d nearly burnt his hand, so he kept his eyes down after that. When he finally finished, he passed the cup over the counter and Colin accepted it gratefully, taking a sip immediately. Stefan waited with baited breaths for a reaction.

“Mmm, god, what is this?” Colin asked, looking between Stefan and the cup as if they were both gifts from above. Stefan grinned.

“Latte with two pumps of peppermint and an extra shot,” Stefan chirped, “to keep you sane and your computer safe.” Colin barked a laugh and took another sip.

“So good,” he groaned. “How much do I owe you? I will gladly give you my soul.”

“Uhm,” Stefan answered eloquently, chuckling and fighting the blush burning at his cheeks. “Nothing, this one’s on me.” Colin raised his eyebrows dramatically.

“You sure?”

“It’s no trouble,” Stefan assured. “I’m just glad you liked it.”

“I might marry it,” Colin confessed. He seemed to hesitate a moment, looking at Stefan a little longer than normal, then nodded as though he had decided something. “Alright, I’ve got to go,” he finally said, and Stefan nodded. “But I’ll definitely be seeing more of you.”

“Great,” Stefan blurted, his heart pounding, and then let out an embarrassed laugh. “I just meant—well—enjoy the coffee.”

Colin’s lips curled into a smile and he nodded, leaving the store in the silence it had rested in before he entered. Stefan didn’t know why, but he suddenly didn’t like that silence as much as he had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is this, a coffee shop au????
> 
> WELL KINDA NOT REALLY I'M JUST TRASH FOR ALL THE AUS AND I MEAN I ALSO HAVE OTHER REASONS BUT MOSTLY TRASH. I also want to spend time developing their characters away from The Game and work, because I want this fic to be more about them than about the world they're in, so we'll be moving away from the game stuff throughout the fic
> 
> ANYWHO, I'll try to update as frequently as possible, but my semester starts up again soon, so no promises. BUT I'LL TRY!! 
> 
> OK, please subscribe and kudos and COMMENT, I live for comments, comment a thousand times, I sit at home refreshing my email and waiting for more comments because I'm a sucker for them. while praise is always accepted, I also welcome constructive criticism!!! ALRIGHT, TILL NEXT TIME <3


	4. Where Is My Mind?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, your life is a tragedy. Other times, it's a rom-com.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I'M A BROKEN RECORD AT THIS POINT, BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT AND THE COMMENTS AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BEST. every time someone comments, I get even more excited about this fic and want to write even more. it's also been such a blessing in disguise--I'm applying to grad school and I've been so stressed about admission decisions and I haven't had anything to distract me, but this came around, and every time I freak out about grad school, I just focus on this and it works!! so thank you for your support in writing and the support you've unknowingly given in this process <3
> 
> OK, GET TO READING!!

Stefan liked class, usually. He liked school, and he liked learning. He rarely dreaded class, unless he had somehow forgotten his homework; in fact, returning after the weekend to the same drab classrooms was more blessing than curse for him. It gave him something to do after long weekends of staying in, mind lolling without purpose.

Except, after that Saturday at the shop, he was terrified of returning to class. He had never really known where he stood with Colin, but now it was even worse than before. Were they friends? Was Colin just being nice? His mind was focused, now, and he didn’t think he’d get Colin out of his head any time soon. So, he planned. Stefan had no idea how he was supposed to act around Colin, so he decided to avoid him as much as possible without seeming rude.

On Tuesday morning, Stefan showed up to class at exactly 8:59, after the room had filled but just before class began. It was a surefire plan. Or it would have been had his usual seat not been taken, leaving the only open spot right beside Colin, who was engrossed with something on his phone. Stefan debated turning around and walking right back out but decided not to. He supposed he had already tried avoiding Colin once, and that hadn’t gone over well. Besides, he wanted the attendance points.

He took a seat near the front of the room beside Colin, who gave him a quick nod without looking up from his phone. Stefan opened his laptop as the professor began speaking and did his best to focus on the lecture, which turned out to be a challenge. Every time Colin shifted, Stefan had to fight the urge to glance over, then remind himself that he was here for class, for learning, not for Colin.

“Before I let you go, I’d like for you all to be thinking more seriously about your term projects,” the professor stated. “I know it’s only the second week, but this is a large project. However, I don’t expect you to navigate this process alone; I’ve taken the liberty of assigning each one of you a mentor—either myself or one of the TAs—for the purposes of this course.”

_Of course_ , Stefan thought. _Because the universe really is out to get me._ In truth, he didn’t know what he was hoping for, and he didn’t know which he was dreading more: working with Colin or working with someone else. The professor droned on, listing student names for himself and for the other TAs, and Stefan waited.

“Now, because Colin is a busy guy, he doesn’t usually mentor people,” the professor explained, and Stefan’s heart dropped. Right. Of course. It made sense. He tried not to feel disappointed. “However, this semester he’ll be mentoring just one student, and that’ll be Stefan Butler.”

Stefan blinked, blinked again, then looked to Colin. Colin, for his part, gave him quick nod then went back to reading something on his screen. A cautious, skeptical voice in Stefan’s head told him not to read too far into the whole thing, but the rest of Stefan’s thoughts barreled ahead without paying any mind to that voice. It had to mean something, right? Did the professor assign him to Colin, or did Colin choose him?

“I’ll finish a little early today,” the professor continued, “but I expect you to get into contact with your mentors to discuss your projects soon.” At this, the class began packing up, and Stefan shifted in his seat to look at Colin.

“So,” he said, shutting his laptop.

“So,” Colin echoed, not moving a muscle.

“We’re working together,” Stefan added slowly. Colin looked up from his phone then rose to his feet and started for the door. Stefan gathered his things up quickly and followed.

“We don’t _have_ to work together,” Colin decided after they had made it halfway down the hall, and Stefan stopped in his tracks.

“Well—Well, I want to,” Stefan resolved, a fit of confidence overwhelming him. Colin turned around and raised an eyebrow, though he looked more impressed than pissed, which Stefan took as a win.

“Okay,” Colin agreed, popping his roll-up between his lips and lighting it.

“Okay?” Stefan asked. Colin frowned at him and Stefan straightened. “Okay.” He walked forward and Colin fell in stride. He didn’t exactly know where he was going, but Colin was still beside him as they left the building. It was starting to get nippy out, and the leaves would be changing soon.

"I meant what I said, though,” Colin said after a few moments, as though they had never stopped talking. When Stefan gave him a confused look, he continued. “I told Lewis—the prof—that I’d work with you because I don’t think you’ll need much help.”

“Pardon?” was the best Stefan could think to say, because it sounded like Colin _liked_ his project.

“I like your project,” Colin confirmed, puffing a cloud of smoke out from between his lips. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, ignoring the jostling of the hurried students passing them by. He had the same look as he had the other night in the coffee shop, like there were wheels turning beneath his skull, lifechanging decisions being considered as he watched Stefan. “I also meant that we don’t have to _work_ together,” he decided, as though it were the easiest thing in the world. He took a drag as Stefan still tried to piece together what had been said. “There are other things we could do.”

Stefan gaped at him, sure that he had missed some significant statement or conversation that would have made the past minute more comprehensible. Colin just shot him a grin, stamped out his cigarette, and joined the flood of students.

 

~~~

 

“And then he says ‘there are other things we could do’,” Stefan finished explaining over the whirring of the steam pipe. When he finished, he was met by silence, only to be met with the unamused faces of his coworkers. “What?”

“You’re an idiot,” Gabriel declared.

“I am not!” Stefan protested, but the group was already shaking their heads.

“Complete idiot,” Lina agreed. Stefan scoffed and she shook her head. “He’s into you.”

“ _So_ into you, man,” Gabriel laughed. “It’s sort of ridiculous, actually.”

“Hey!” Stefan exclaimed.

“I don’t think he means that you’re not a catch, because you are,” Lina interjected. “I just think he meant that you’re just sort of quiet and nervous sometimes, and that it’s ridiculous that he doesn’t seem fazed by that.”

“ _Hey!_ ” Stefan repeated.

Gabriel and Lina both opened their mouths, but the bell on the door chimed before anyone could say anything more. Stefan spared a glance, only to find Colin Ritman sauntering towards the counter.

“Welcome to The Grind, what can I—” Lina began, but Stefan cut her off.

“Colin!” he shouted, nearly pushing her down in his attempt to intercept the exchange he did not want to see between Lina and Colin. Colin looked between them, amusement clear.

“Hello,” he drawled, setting an elbow down on the counter.

“Can I get you something?” Stefan asked, ignoring the not-so-subtle laughter from his coworkers behind him.

“Dealer’s choice,” Colin said, just as he had the time before. Stefan smiled and nodded. Colin stayed close by as Stefan worked, watching just as intently. “What’ll it be today?” he asked as Stefan began pouring the steamed milk into a cup.

“Another latte, this time with cinnamon and chai,” Stefan answered, slipping a sleeve over the cup and handing it to Colin, who took a sip immediately. “Watch out, it’s—” Stefan warned, but Colin was already recoiling, “—hot.” Despite himself, Stefan laughed.

“Are you _laughing_ at me?” Colin demanded, but he was laughing, too, and Stefan couldn’t look away. Could Colin really like him? It didn’t seem possible. He didn’t know if he wanted it to be possible. He felt like he didn’t know anything about his own life anymore.

“Maybe,” he answered, because it was better than thinking, and it won him a quiet smile from Colin.

“I’ll be,” Colin said, filling in the rest by motioning towards the door.

“Oh, sure!” Stefan watched as he left the counter, walked towards the door, and, instead, turned and took a seat in the corner. Stefan blinked, then blinked again.

“So ridiculously into you,” Gabriel whispered from over Stefan’s shoulder. He was silenced with a glare, but the thoughts whirling around Stefan’s mind didn’t give up so easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIGHT FAM, MORE COFFEE SHOP, PLUS IVE ADDED IN SOME FRIENDS. I feel like Stefan needed some buddies and I know they're not canon and I prefer not to put OCs in my fanfics but I HAD TO. they won't be huge characters, but they'll be around for sure
> 
> again, constructive criticism always welcome. a big thanks for all of the praise and love you've given me and this fic, I feel completely like the luckiest writer in the world <3 it's been such a great experience so far writing this fic and writing for all of you <3 I'll be keeping up progress!! during the semester, we'll aim for weekly updates, but no promises!! 
> 
> OK!! CONTINUE WITH THE COMMENTS AND THE KUDOS AND THE SUBS AND ALL OF THAT <3


	5. The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's like a strategy game, like Risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS. YOOOU GUUUUYS ARE JUST THE SWEETEST EVER. I FEEL SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOUR SUPPORT AND LOVE. you guys are a huge reason I'm keeping up with this and working so hard to make everything just right. of course, my usual statement applies: constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcomed <3
> 
> I'll let you go on ahead and read the chapter now, but thank you so much!!!
> 
> (P.S. I changed the title of this chapter because my iTunes attacked me with a better song by Morrissey)

That night, Colin sat in The Grind for an hour—which was exactly forty-three minutes longer than it had taken him to finish his latte—and Stefan was beginning to think that maybe his coworkers had been right. Worse, Stefan was beginning to hope that they were right, that Colin really did like him. But then Colin had just stood up, nodded to Stefan, and left without a word. Hot and cold, on and off, yes and no—Stefan was having trouble keeping up. It felt like some sort of game, but he was still learning the controls and the rules were frustratingly elusive.  

Except, Stefan’s life revolved around games, and he knew the first step to understanding whatever was going on: observation. He’d been going by trial and error for so long, jamming buttons and hoping for the best, but this was a game of strategy. He could do strategy. Strategy was his middle name.

 

~~~

 

_Thursday_

 

Stefan scrapped his plan to arrive late and came at his usual time, took his usual seat, and opened his laptop. Colin entered the room a moment later, nodding to the professor, and then to Stefan.

_Observation Number One: Stefan’s heart stops, momentarily, then pounds double time._

Stefan shot Colin a quick smile, then diverted his attention to his laptop, preparing his notes for class and trying to fight the urge to look up. He felt like he’d need to buy blinders for himself if he ever wanted to get through this class.

The door opened and Stefan’s classmates moved into the classroom like a slow stream of honey. He took the opportunity to look up and found Colin’s eyes on him.

_Observation Number Two: Colin looks at Stefan for a second, his features indecipherable, then brings his phone out of his pocket and starts scrolling._

_Observation Number Three: Stefan likes the feeling of Colin’s eyes on him._

Stefan actually managed to pay attention in class, typing up a near-perfect transcript of the day’s lecture, but he couldn’t help analyzing the moments he and Colin had exchanged. They were miniscule, barely constituting footnotes in a summary of the day, but they carried meaning, Stefan could sense that. It was a push and pull, and Stefan was beginning to understand.

Class ended and Stefan packed up. He nodded to Colin on his way out the door.

_Observation Number Four: Colin’s eyebrows arch up and in when something unexpected happens._

_Observation Number Five: Stefan wonders if Colin would make that face if Stefan kissed him._

Today, Stefan pushed.

 

~~~

 

_Friday_

 

Stefan felt powerful when the bell on the door rung and he didn’t look up. It was close to eight, which he had decided was Colin’s usual time. Any minute now, Colin would walk in and Stefan could be the aloof one.

“Excuse me?” a woman asked, and Stefan looked up. Not Colin.

“I—Sorry, ma’am. What can I get you?”

Stefan worked on the woman’s order diligently, gave her the cup, and began cleaning his work station. The bell rang and Stefan had to fight the urge to look up. Again, not Colin. And then again, and again, and again until it was time to close.

_Observation Number Six: Although he desperately wanted it, Stefan did not have the power to make people appear out of thin air._

It wasn’t like he came in everyday, Stefan reasoned, and it was a Friday night. He could have plans. _Of course_ Colin would have friends or—Stefan stopped himself. He didn’t even want to entertain the thought.

With a sigh, Stefan locked the doors behind him and headed back towards his dorm. Colin, it seemed, could push back harder.

 

~~~

 

_Saturday_

 

Stefan was not moping. He refused to mope. Sure, he stayed in his room all day and was a little quieter at work at night, but he was a quiet guy. Besides, it’s not like he needed to talk to make good coffee.

“He’s moping,” Gabriel told Lina as soon as she walked in the door, and Stefan shot him a warning glare. Gabriel put his hands up. “Just speaking the truth, man.”

“Aw, did your guy not show up?” Lina cooed. Stefan didn’t think that warranted an answer, and the pair didn’t pry any further.

Stefan let himself be submerged under the weight of his work, detached from the confusing realities of his life, of Colin. If this was a game, it wasn’t one he liked to play. He didn’t understand why he was supposed to be so standoffish or what that let either of them gain. He couldn’t see being happy like this. Life, after all, wasn’t just one of his games. It didn’t have reboots. There were no extra lives. Everything had a consequence.

“Yeah, I’ll have whatever the master here is willing to whip up,” a familiar voice said, and Stefan glanced up to find Colin, counting dollar bills.

“Colin?” The boy in question looked up and smiled.

“Hello,” he greeted. “My usual.”

“Uhm, alright.” Stefan set to work, his attention split between the latte he was making and Colin’s scrutinizing gaze, settled very clearly on him. His left hand slipped, and he burnt it against the steam pipe. “Shit!” The pitcher of milk he had been holding dropped, splashing across the tiled floor. Gabriel was there in an instant, filling a new pitcher and handing it to Stefan.

“You okay, mate?” Colin asked, but there was concern in his voice, and he was frowning.

“I’m—” Stefan began, but cut himself off, opting to steam the milk instead. He was frustrated and confused, and he felt like an idiot. He poured the milk into a paper cup and held it out to Colin. “You’re an enigma, you know that?”

Colin’s frown deepened, and Stefan knew that he had to have made a mistake somewhere, possibly right here, but probably earlier, when he walked into class on Thursday, or maybe even when he was registering for classes in the first place. Colin took a sip, his eyes never leaving Stefan’s, and Stefan fidgeted, pulling at the hem of his shirt.

“This is good,” Colin finally said, but he didn’t move.

“It’s a mocha with a pump of vanilla,” Stefan commented for lack of anything better to say. It felt like he was walking a tightrope. Colin hummed.

“Very good,” Colin repeated. He started to turn away but stopped. “If you want to know something, just ask. Later.” With that, Colin winked and walked out the door, the bell chiming to signal his exit. Stefan watched him leave. He had the feeling he had been going about everything all wrong.

_Observation Number Seven: Colin wasn’t playing games._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EHHHHHH?????? my poor Stefan, he's just like so confused by everything all the time, which is really the biggest of moods. also. me? basing this a little bit on my own confusing and frustration with the dating game???? you betcha!!
> 
> alright, fam, we're almost at 100 kudos (*screams for days*) so share with your buddies and on the tumbls and all of that!!! and of course, keep up with the comments and kudos and subs and EVERYTHING ELSE!! LOVE YOU GUYS <3


	6. I Think We're Alone Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's this??? an early update?????? about to be followed by another update because I feel like these are two separate chapters and I'm trash???????? MAYBE SO, FAM!!
> 
> this is maybe (definitely) my favorite chapter yet. I feel like I'm finally getting a handle on the characters, so thanks so much for your patience and support along the way, and the advice you've sort of been giving!! none of this would be possible without you!! WE ALSO JUST HIT 100 KUDOS AND I AM SHOOKETH!! LESS THAN A WEEK, GUYS!!!! I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD CELEBRATE SOMEHOW!!! 
> 
> OK!! without further ado, read, read, read!!!

Stefan spent the entirety of Sunday creating a mental catalogue of every single question he wanted to ask Colin, now that he had permission, and it is endless. Surprisingly enough, most of them weren’t even about Colin’s game or his expertise; they were about his hometown, his favorite books, his dreams, and that’s how Stefan knew. The butterflies that flittered around in his stomach when Colin was near hadn’t been admiration for a fellow creator; it was attraction to a boy who had had Stefan’s undivided attention since the moment he sauntered into his life. Stefan was, decidedly, into Colin.

He had reached what must have been his thousandth question of the day when Colin approached the counter. It was another night alone behind the counter, but Stefan was okay with that. Colin seemed cautious, like he was waiting to see how Stefan would act, and Stefan felt a rush of guilt hollow him out. Colin’s behavior had been confusing for him, but he could only imagine how erratic his own behavior had appeared to Colin.

“Hello,” he greeted calmly, and the tension in Colin’s shoulder visibly reduced. “The usual?” Colin hummed and slid his wallet from his pocket. “No, no, it’s mine,” Stefan insisted, and Colin looked torn.

“You’re sure?”

"Positive,” he said, and Colin nodded. He still looked like he wasn’t quite sure how to act. Stefan wasn’t used to being assertive or making a move before anyone else could, but he knew what he had to do. Strangely, he didn’t feel afraid. “If you’re going to be around, why don’t you pull up a stool?” Colin perked, and Stefan shot him a reassuring smile.

“I _suppose_ I could,” Colin decided, dragging a stool to a one of the only clear spots on the counter, but a reluctant smile was pushing through his aloof act. Stefan grinned as he gathered the ingredients for Colin’s drink of the day. Yes, this felt much better than the silly games he had been trying to play. He focused on creating a perfect drink, if there were such a thing; he felt ridiculously cheesy, but he wanted to give Colin something that showed how much he cared.

“Here you are,” he announced after a moment, sliding a cup towards Colin. On the surface, in the latter art, was an intricate swan, of which Stefan was incredibly proud. Colin’s eyes lit up.

“It’s too pretty to drink,” he protested, but took a sip nonetheless. The moan the drink elicited drew scandalized looks from the few patrons hanging about the shop. Stefan blushed. “Tell me, was it easy selling your soul to the devil for your coffee skills? Is this pure crack?”

“Actually,” Stefan laughed, leaning on the counter across from Colin, “it’s just two pumps of raspberry and a pump of vanilla. And I’ll send Satan your regards.” Colin barked a laugh, and Stefan felt pleased that he had been able to make Colin—too-cool-for-school Colin—let loose like that. Their laughter quieted and they found themselves looking once again into each other’s eyes, just like in those ridiculous rom-coms, but neither wanted to look away. In fact, Stefan felt like a magnet, slowly being pulled closer and closer towards Colin until—

The bell on the door rang and Stefan jumped backwards with a nervous laugh. The edge of Colin’s lip quirked up, but he didn’t say anything more.

"Hello!” Stefan greeted, a little too loudly. The customer was puzzled for a moment before shrugging and giving him her order. Stefan could feel Colin’s eyes on him as he worked, but he felt more confident than nervous under his gaze now, like he was proving he was more than just a fidgety kid. As soon as he finished her drink, Stefan tried to turn to Colin, but the bell on the door chimed again. And again. It seemed that every moment he could have had with Colin were being vetoed by the universe and every customer. Sunday nights were rarely this crowded, but tonight of all nights the shop had to be busy.

Colin, though, didn’t seem to mind. He watched patiently as Stefan worked, slowly making his way through the latte before him. After an hour had passed, Stefan was beginning to feel guilty again. It had never been his intention to guilt Colin into staying so long; he was probably busy, with better things to do.

“If you’re busy, I can let you go,” Stefan suggested in between customers, then realized how that sounded. “I just meant—Well—You know.” Colin hummed and smiled around another sip of his latte.

"Not busy,” he assured. “What time do you get off?”

Stefan nearly dropped the ceramic espresso cup he had been drying but succeeded in keeping his hands steady. Was Colin asking him out? It sounded like Colin was asking him out. But out where? It was so late, and—

“Ten,” Stefan answered, cutting the stream of thought decidedly off.

“Okay,” Colin said just as the bell chimed again. “Off to work, then.”

Stefan was torn between an inquisition of Colin and keeping his job, the latter winning out in the end. He spent the rest of his shift alternating between helping customers and cleaning up around the shop so that he could leave as soon as the clock struck ten. And Colin just watched, as though it were the most fascinating thing in the entire world.

Eventually, the minutes wound down, the customers, one by one, slipped out the door, and Stefan finished all the work he needed to do. He could hear his pounding heartbeat in his ears once he shut down the speakers in the shop and returned to Colin.

“Ready?” Colin asked, and Stefan… well, Stefan wasn’t quite sure, but he figured he ought to be. It was about time, he decided. He nodded, and Colin smiled.

“Where to?” he said by way of agreement, heading toward the light switch behind the register.

“Now, that’s a surprise,” Colin countered, sliding off his stool and standing at the edge of counter. Stefan hesitated, his hand hovering over the light.

“It’ll be pitch black,” he warned. Colin walked behind the counter, closer to Stefan than he’d ever been before, and Stefan held his breath.

“I guess you’ll just have to play navigator,” he shrugged, and then his hand was bumping against Stefan’s, grasping it lightly, tentatively, as though he were asking permission. Stefan shut the lights off and squeezed Colin’s hand. They’d make it through the dark, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY!! WELL, that was chapter 6!! and chapter 7 will be coming either later tonight or early tomorrow morning!! get ready for More Development and the first non-80s song title (probably - I might change my mind because I'm Like That)!!! 
> 
> thank you so much for your continued support. I'm so happy to be creating content for all of you <3 keep up with subs and kudos and especially comments because I LIVE for comments <3 every single one brightens my day so much!!!!


	7. Juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night on the town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SECOND CHAPTER OF THE DAY, I WARNED YOU!! I'll skip my usual opener today since you've already seen it once, but I WILL say that the title of this chapter is the first non-80s song yet!! It's the Absolute Bop "Juice" by Lizzo, which I'll explain a little bit more at the END of the chapter so I don't spoil anything ;) Just some suggested listening for this one!
> 
> ALRIGHT, GO READ

Stefan had never really gone out late before. After work ended, he always headed back to his dorm, to study or even to just sleep. He’d never really had a curfew in high school, but he’d also never really had friends who wanted to do anything more than play video games and apply for college. Sure, his coworkers had invited him out, and in his freshman year, there had been parties galore, but he never went. He never had anyone he really wanted to stay out for.

Walking through neon-lit streets, puddles splashing beneath his feet, a chill nipping at him through his coat, Stefan decided he would be staying out late far more often. His hand still in Colin’s, he hoped he’d have someone to stay out with whenever he wanted to. They cut through crowds and swerved out of cars’ paths, gleeful laughter bubbling out through their lips every few minutes. Stefan allowed Colin to lead him through the city streets, not even a little worried about where they were going or how far they were straying from Stefan’s defined routes.

Colin stopped in front of a dimly lit entryway, a large man blocking their paths, his arms crossed, and Stefan nearly ran right into him.

“We’re here,” Colin announced cheerfully, squeezing Stefan’s hand before fixing his gaze on the bouncer. “Reggie.”

“Colin,” the bouncer said flatly, not moving a muscle.

“Are you going to let us by?” he asked, slipping his free hand in his pocket. Stefan watched, worried. He hadn’t been to many clubs, but he’d seen bouncers in movies, and they were rarely nice.

“You know what you have to do,” Reggie declared, and Colin sighed.

“Really? Every time?” he implored, but the bouncer just shrugged. Colin looked at Stefan, frowning, then looked back to Reggie. “Fine.”

Stefan isn’t sure exactly what he expected, but the series of handshakes, clapping, and other odd motions were most certainly not it. He found his composure slipping as Colin and the bouncer twirled in unison, and was in tears by the time they finished with a belly bump that sent Colin stumbling backwards a few steps. Reggie stepped aside, allowing them passage, and Colin practically had to drag Stefan forward he was laughing so hard.

“I expect you to erase that from your memory,” Colin called back to Stefan as the music grew louder and louder.

“Not a chance,” Stefan shouted, and then Colin was pulling him forward, into a thrashing room, drum beats reverberating off the dirty black walls and the low thrumming of the bass hammering at his eardrums. There was band on a stage at the far end of the room, and it took a moment for Stefan to recognize the song as something off the radio they played at work. Eventually, Colin stopped in the middle of the floor, carving out a tiny space of their own.

Stefan looked around, suddenly unsure of what he was doing. He’d never been anywhere like this before. He wasn’t exactly a dancer, but he was the only one not moving in the giant crowd. Colin seemed to notice his apprehension, setting a hand lightly on Stefan’s hip and flashing him a questioning look. Stefan gave him a jerky nod, and Colin smiled. Slowly, he began swaying to the music, leading Stefan. At first, he felt like an idiot. Everyone around them was moving so easily, as though they were conduits for the musicians, but Colin’s eyes told him to breathe, to ignore them, to focus only on him.

He followed Colin’s lead, working up the courage to move his shoulders with his hips, and Colin’s grin told him that that was the right thing to do, that he should just let go. So he did. His shifted closer to Colin so that their shoulders bumped with each beat, Colin’s hand still steady against his side. He let his head bounce with the rhythm, an unconscious smile curling on his lips as his eyes slipped shut. He felt free. He rarely even listened to music like this, but it didn’t matter; it was lively and loud and bursting with confidence, and Stefan wanted to be more like that. He put a hand around Colin’s neck, letting the pull of the song guide him. The song came to an end and he opened his eyes to find Colin watching him, just as fixated as he had been at the shop, but with something hungry behind his eyes. Stefan was startled by the power he seemed to have. Colin moved closer and closer but shifted so that he was cheek to cheek with Stefan.

“Want a drink?” he shouted over the next song. Stefan nodded and let himself be pulled off the dancefloor and to the bar. Stefan could tell by the ringing in his ears that it was a little quieter here, away from the giant speakers. The bartender nodded to Colin knowingly; apparently, he knew everyone at this place.

"Do you come here often?” Stefan asked, and Colin snorted.

“Is that your best line?” he teased, pulling his wallet from his pocket. “Yeah, it’s a favorite of mine.”

“I like it,” Stefan admitted, and Colin beamed.

“What’ll you have?” he asked. “It’s on me. Payback for those fantastic lattes.”

“Oh, uhm,” Stefan hesitated, wracking his brain for something to say. He wasn’t much for drinking; he could count on one hand the number of drinks he’d had throughout his entire life, and all of them were horrible tasting beers his dad had given him. “Dealer’s choice?” he tried, and Colin laughed.

“Sure.” The bartender sidled up to them, and Colin leaned over to give their order. “Shot of whiskey for me and vodka and orange soda for him.” The bartender nodded, and Colin looked back to Stefan, whose eyebrows were raised.

“Orange soda?” he asked. He’d heard of a vodka soda, but never with _orange_ soda. Colin smirked.

“It’s a good beginner drink. You’ll get a bite of vodka, but it’s mostly sweet, sugary soda,” he explained. A second later, two glasses were slid their way, and Stefan took his cautiously. Colin held his own up and clinked it against Stefan’s. “Cheers.”

“Cheers,” Stefan murmured and took a sip. It was just as Colin had said, sweet but not too sweet, alcoholic but not too alcoholic. Colin watched him with interest, and he nodded. “Good,” he answered simply, and Colin laughed.

“Good,” he repeated. They drank in comfortable silence, the pounding music filling in the space their conversation left; he found that he didn’t really need to ask any of the questions he had been listing. Stefan was surprised. He would never have expected to enjoy any of the events of tonight as much as he was now. He suspected a certain bespectacled programmer had something to do with it. The music slowed as Stefan finished his drink, setting the empty glass down on the counter, and Colin wordlessly took his hand and led him back out towards the crowd.

Colin’s hands settled on Stefan’s waist and Stefan let his hands fall to Colin’s neck with ease, allowing himself to be held for the first time in a very long time. Every moment with Colin, no matter what they were doing or saying, Stefan always felt _right_ , like he belonged in that moment, with that person.

“I’m glad you came tonight,” Colin murmured beside Stefan’s ear, and Stefan smiled.

“Me too,” he confessed without hesitation.

“I’m not _so_ much of an enigma, am I?” Colin continued. Stefan pulled back to look at him, his bright blue eyes behind big glasses, his bleached hair that he somehow managed to wear without looking like a douche, the confident line of his lips, always twisting and turning in contemplation, in worry, in bliss.

“No,” Stefan finally decided. “Not so much.” Colin nodded, though the ever-moving wheels of his mind didn’t stop, a decision on the horizon. Stefan waited for him to make it, patient, and then Colin was leaning forward and brushing his lips against Stefan’s, just a whisper of contact full of words unsaid. Stefan stilled for a moment, his eyes shut, smiling. When he opened his eyes again, he found Colin studying him, as if he could see inside Stefan’s mind if he waited long enough.

“It’s late,” Colin finally said as the song drew to a close. He opened his mouth then shut it again. “You could come back to mine?” Stefan’s reaction must have been enough to elicit concern, because Colin was clarifying quickly. “To sleep. My flat is just up the block. I have a couch. For sleeping,” he added again.

“Okay,” Stefan answered before his brain could stop him.

“Okay,” Colin repeated.

“Okay,” Stefan said again, and then the music changed into something rowdy and Colin led him out the door. The streets were quieter now, dimmer than they had been before, as though the city’s bedtime had come and gone. Colin’s flat really was nearby, just a few doors down. They were silent in the elevator, and suddenly the tension of reality returned to Stefan. He was in the elevator going up to Colin’s flat. He had no idea what he was doing. This was definitely not how he was planning to end his day.

The doors opened and Stefan followed Colin through the hall, his blood pressure spiking when he saw how far off the ground they were.

“We’re here,” Colin announced when they reached a door at the end of the hall. He unlocked the door, revealing a dark and disheveled room. Colin looked back at Stefan, a quick smile flashing onto his lips. “C’mon, my turn to lead,” he coaxed, offering his hand to Stefan, who took it, trying and failing to steady himself. They walked a few steps through the flat, and then Colin turned the light on in a room at the end of the hall, one with a very long couch. “As advertised,” he said, motioning to the couch.

Stefan nodded, any semblance of language caught in his throat. Colin seemed to notice his panic and his features softened.

“I’ll be up the hall,” he explained, leaving Stefan’s side to pull a large blanket from a nearby cabinet. “Just a holler away.”

“Okay,” Stefan croaked.

“Hey,” Colin said gently, approaching Stefan again, his hand lightly resting on Stefan’s cheek. “I can walk you home if you’d like.”

“No,” Stefan breathed through a sigh. “No, it’s fine. I’m just—y’know.”

“Yeah,” Colin agreed. “I had a good time,” he added.

“Me too,” Stefan smiled.

“Good.” Colin hesitated a moment before leaning closer, and Stefan closed the distance, kissing again, for the second time that night, and he never really wanted to stop. He was about ready to give up breathing for more of this all the time. Colin pulled away after a moment. “Goodnight, Stefan.”

“Night, Colin,” Stefan mumbled. Colin stepped around Stefan and shut the door behind him, leaving Stefan with his own spiraling thoughts, which were not bound to quiet any time soon. But it had been a good night. Perfect, actually. He shut the light and crawled beneath the blanket on the couch. There would be more nights like this. He would make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH, TOLD YOU I'M TOO IMPATIENT FOR SLOW BURN. also, there was no way we were escaping this AU without a club moment.
> 
> SO, I titled this after "Juice" by Lizzo because (1) it's Amazing and (2) it's sort of what I picture them dancing to at first, and I feel like it has the confidence vibe that stefan was just totally exuding this whole chapter!!! other songs included in the writing and mood creation of this chapter include "Superposition" and "My Body" by Young the Giant, "My Blood" by Twenty One Pilots, "Blur" by MØ, and "1950" by King Princess. I'm all about playlists so consider this an unofficial one ;)
> 
> NOW, I start class back up soon so daily updates will become more like weekly updates (hence the double post today, because I feel Bad). probably. who knows. I really like writing this a lot. it's the perfect balance between challenging and fun <3
> 
> AGAIN, THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING THE BEST READERS I COULD ASK FOR, MUCH LOVE ALL AROUND <3


	8. Policy of Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now you're standing there tongue tied / You'd better learn your lesson well / Hide what you have to hide / And tell what you have to tell"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I say slow updates? I meant "I'm trash and I cannot be stopped"
> 
> ANYWAY, HERE'S ANOTHER UPDATE. really though, it WILL be slower updates, I just had a very light day today and needed to spend some time chilling hahaha. AGAIN, thank you soooooo so sos osoooooo much for your support, I cannot begin to say how much it all means to me, and how you're keeping me going through all of this <3
> 
> OKAY! ENJOY!

The first thing Stefan heard in the morning was a baby crying. A wave of confusion washed over him and he jolted upright in bed. No, wait, this was a couch. Memories of neon lights, of a thumping bass, of sweat beneath his shirt, of Colin’s lips, all returned to him in bits and pieces. Right. It was _Colin’s_ couch. He was in _Colin’s_ apartment. He couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his features, his fingers brushing over his lips where Colin’s had been last night, in this very room.

And then the matter of the crying baby returned to his consciousness. At first, he reasoned that it was from a neighboring flat, but another wail tore that theory down. It was close. It must have been just up the hall—but that didn’t make sense. It _couldn’t_ make sense.

Stefan tumbled off the couch, brushing his fingers through his hair haphazardl. He could feel a headache starting behind his forehead, and with each sob from the child, it grew worse and worse. He opened the door and found a woman with bright orange hair, a child tucked into a highchair beside her, sitting in what must have been the kitchen. Stefan didn’t have a second to process and figure out what was going on before she looked up, noticed him, and grinned.

“Oh, hello!” she greeted, sliding out of her chair and walking closer to Stefan. “You must be Colin’s friend. I’m Kitty.” She stuck a hand out, and Stefan could only stare for a long moment. He was Colin’s friend. She was Colin’s… Kitty. Dumbly, he shook her hand, and she smiled wider. Stefan’s eyes wandered behind Kitty, to the baby, who was watching them with great interest. Kitty followed his gaze. “Oh! That cutie is Pearl.” She quieted, and Stefan could sense her studying him. “You must be starved,” she finally announced. “I just made breakfast. Please stay! Colin will be up a little later. He likes to sleep in.”

Stefan was shaking his head as soon as she started speaking again, but he hadn’t heard a thing. This was wrong. Everything was wrong. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. Nothing was what he thought.

“No,” he finally managed through gritted teeth. “I have to leave.”

“Oh, okay,” Kitty was saying, but Stefan was walking, trying to escape the horror show he had walked into before anyone saw the tears threatening to break through. He didn’t mean to slam the door, but it shut behind him, hard, and the baby released a high-pitched wail. Stefan wanted to scream, too, because _how had this happened?_ Colin hadn’t seemed—but he was. Apparently. Stefan smashed the button next to the elevator door so hard his thumb ached, but he didn’t care. Nothing hurt as much as this. The elevator door chimed just as Colin’s door swung open. Stefan caught a glimpse of Colin, his eyes wide and full of, Stefan realized, _fear_. But he was done. He stepped into the elevator and left. No one would see him cry, he made sure of it.

 

~~~

 

Stefan refused to leave his dorm for a week. As soon as Lina heard his voice, she had offered to cover as many of his shifts as she could, and roped Gabriel into doing the same. She didn’t ask any questions, and Stefan was eternally grateful. He told his professors he was too sick to come to class, and none of them even asked for a note, though Stefan was prepared to forge one. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t done it before, when things got bad, when he couldn’t move without losing every ounce of energy he had.

He made a mental note to thank Dr. Hayes for suggesting a single dorm, relieved that he didn’t have to deal with pity or judgement from a roommate. He didn’t want to have to deal with _anyone_ , for that matter. If he saw anyone—if anyone (i.e. Colin) saw him—he would start crying. And he’d avoided that for so long.

It was midday on Sunday when Stefan’s phone vibrated for the thousandth time from beneath his pillow, and he supposed he ought to answer it.

“Hello,” he answered groggily, and was answered by a rush of static on the other line.

“ _Stefan_ ,” his dad sighed. “Stefan, I’ve been so worried. You haven’t been answering. I thought, maybe—”

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, and guilt welled up in his stomach. His dad could be frustrating, but he didn’t deserve to be put through this every time something happened.

“No,” his dad decided after a moment’s hesitation. “No, it’s okay, I’m just—You’re okay, that’s what matters.”

“I’m sorry,” Stefan repeated, and it was like a dam broke, tears pushing through. “Dad, I’m sorry.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his tone urgent again. “What’s happened?”

“I messed up,” Stefan hiccupped. “I didn’t know! I just—I thought—I was an idiot.”

“No,” his dad said firmly. “You’re a bright boy. Everyone makes mistakes. Tell me. Let me help you fix it.”

“It’s just,” Stefan sniffled, suddenly feeling self-conscious, “some guy.” He can hear his dad grunt on the other end, can sense the anger building in him. “It’s—It’s stupid, dad. I’m fine. It’s—I’ll be fine.” There’s silence on the other end for a long time. He knows his dad is ready to burst, to pull the parent card and try to make Stefan fess up. For a good cause, at least.

“ _He’s_ the idiot,” he finally settled on. “Not you.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” His dad heaves a sigh. “Okay. I just wanted to check in. You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know,” Stefan repeats, and he does, but he doesn’t think that will happen, truthfully. He wipes at his eyes. His father deserves a conversation, and moping around his dorm wasn’t doing him any good. “How’s work?” he asked, and his dad thankfully took the hint. Stefan listened for ten minutes as he droned on about the intricacies of his work and the workplace squabbles, relieved to hear something other than his own thoughts. By the time they finished talking, Stefan knew what he had to do. Avoiding didn’t work. And it was Colin who made the mistake, not him. He loved work and he loved school; he wasn’t about to let some asshole like Colin get in the way of that.

 

~~~

 

Stefan’s confidence waivered as he set his hand on the handle of the classroom door. He steadied himself, taking a deep breath and letting out, then walked in. Colin was already there, phone nowhere to be found, and his eyes found Stefan immediately, looking wounded. Stefan looked away and took his seat. It was too late, he reminded himself. It would never happen.

Class carried on as usual, and Stefan could feel Colin watching him even as he kept up with his notes. He didn’t have time for this, for any of it. And he had nothing to prove. When the professor finished his lecture, Stefan left with the crowd of students, walking quickly up the hallway.

“Stefan,” Colin called behind him, and Stefan shut his eyes for a moment.

 _Please_ , he thought. _Please not now. Not here._ He heard the echo of sneakers on tile, and then Colin was beside him. He didn’t look.

“Stefan,” Colin repeated, “I’m sorry. I didn’t get the chance to explain. The other morning—”

“No,” Stefan said decisively, stopping and facing Colin, eyes hard. “No, you didn’t, but you don’t have to. I get it, you know, I really do. You’re just another man with power who can’t appreciate what he has. God, you have a _child_ , Colin, and a girlfriend or wife or _something_.” Stefan could feel his voice rising, but he didn’t care. This needed to be said. “You think because you’re some successful guy, you can just do whatever you want, but you’re still a kid. You’re like all of us, just muddling about, except you’re not just confused on your own. No, you drag other people into your mess, people who have no business wrecking homes or, or, getting hurt like this. You don’t have the right, Colin, you don’t. And I’m sorry if I don’t just give in and go with it, but I’m not like you. I know there are consequences to my actions, and I refuse to hurt someone else the way you’ve hurt me.”

When Stefan finished, he took a deep breath. Colin had backed up, as though he had been physically hurt, and for the first time since Stefan met him, Colin looked really, truly vulnerable. _Good_ , Stefan thought _. It's about fucking time._

Satisfied with what he had said, Stefan left and was pleased that he didn’t hear the familiar sound of Colin’s footsteps.

“Stefan,” Colin murmured, his voice so quiet Stefan barely heard it, but there was no going back. Stefan just kept walking, leaving Colin far behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you didn't think I forgot about kitty and pearl, did you? ;)
> 
> was that angst? that looked like angst. MY BAD, FAM, MY HAND SLIPPED. NO WORRIES THOUGH, THIS IS A FLUFF PIECE AND ALL WILL (EVENTUALLY) BE RESOLVED. honestly, I was watching everyone freak out over last chapter and I was like "ohhh haha I'm gonna do something cruel" xD BUT IT'S OK, IT'LL BE FINE, DON'T DESPAIR
> 
> PROUD OF STEFAN? MAD AT COLIN? READY TO FORCE ME INTO WRITING ANOTHER CHAPTER ASAP? COMMENT!!! I love hearing all of your thoughts SO MUCh!!! also don't forget to subscribe and kudos and bookmark and share and ANYTHING ELSE. OKAY!! <3


	9. My Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Stay with me, no, you don't need to run / Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: there are mentions of canon death in here, as well as non-canon death/suicide, but (1) it's past and (2) it's not a main character. if this is a problem, skip to the end notes for a quick five second summary! keep your mental health in mind! <3
> 
> WELL, I lied again, here's another update, because I needed at least some resolution between them !!! also I feel bad leaving fics in hard spots. I thought last chapter was the hardest to write, but, wow, this one was like. such a challenge. YOU'LL SEE.
> 
> Title from "My Blood" by twenty one pilots
> 
> OK!! GO READ!!

Colin felt as though his heart had been gouged out, slowly, meticulously, with a cold spoon. He slouched against the yellowing walls of the hallway, watching Stefan leave, wondering how he had fucked things up so royally. It had been the not telling straight off the bat, he knew, but then, how exactly do you work something like this into conversation? Something so complicated and painful and _messy_. Not really first date talk, not in Colin’s experience.

But now? Stefan would never believe him. The story Stefan had put together—that Colin was some bored husband and father—though far from the truth, made sense for what he’d seen. Colin couldn’t blame him, not one bit. It looked bad, that entire morning.

Almost as bad as things were looking now, Colin thought with a sigh.

He knew he’d have to move eventually. The hallway would fill up and empty in turn, like the rising tides, but he couldn’t stay here forever, as much as he wanted to. If he moved, it became real, more real than it already was. If he moved and Stefan wasn’t up ahead, waiting, it was done. And Stefan wasn’t, Colin found, unsurprised. He turned his collar up against the brisk October wind and went home.

 

~~~

 

It took Kitty approximately twelve seconds to read Colin’s features and discover what had happened.

“Right,” she said decisively, and pulled two shot glasses from the cabinet behind her. “It’s all gone to shit then,” she observed, filling the glasses to the brim with bourbon. Colin answered by gulping the contents of the first glass down in one go.

“Indeed,” he added once he had swallowed. Kitty drank hers, set it back down on the table, then refilled both glasses, her prying eyes never leaving Colin. She had a way of doing this—this looking _through_ people rather than at them, dissecting them to the very core of their being.

“But you told him?” she asked carefully, in a way that made clear there was a wrong answer to this question.

“He wouldn’t let me,” Colin tried, but she was already shaking her head. Wrong answer.

“You _daft_ bastard,” Kitty complained, taking a shot. “Of course it went to shit.”

“I know,” Colin groaned, turning the glass in slow circles on the table, watching as the contents spilled over with each rotation. He didn’t even have to look up to know Kitty was about to launch into another lecture. “I  _know_.”

“Fine,” Kitty agreed, throwing her hands up in surrender and getting up to put the bottle away. “Because you seem to have it _so_ well covered.”

“ _Kitty_ ,” Colin warned, finally drinking from his glass. She turned on him, her hand poised at her hip and her eyes squinted. Lecture pose, Colin knew. No escape now.

“Ever since that morning, you have been the worst person to be around. Just sulking all the time, waiting for the problem to smooth itself out, not even a little fight,” she scolded. “This aloof, I’m-above-it act you have? It’s bullshit, clear as day.” She softened and sat back down at the kitchen table. “I get that you’re scared and it’s easier to disengage. But if you do that, you’ll lose this apparently phenomenal guy you’ve somehow managed to find, and you’ll be worse off for it. You’ll regret it every single day.”

“I know,” Colin admitted, because Kitty was, unfortunately, right. As per usual.

"Good. Now do something about it,” she decided, as though it were the simplest thing in the world. She grabbed their glasses, starting to get up, but then paused. “I know it’s hard to talk about it. It’s not my favorite memory either. But Stefan will understand, if he’s as good as you say.”

“He is,” Colin said, frowning down at the table. He supposed this moment would come eventually. _Talking_ about it. Part of him had hoped he’d never have to say a thing, but that was unrealistic, even he knew.

It was time. It was time for the truth.

 

~~~

 

When Stefan opened the door, he took a step back, as though a ghost had just appeared at the entrance of his dorm. And then he seemed to realize what was happening, the surprised features in his face dropping into disappointment. He didn’t say a thing, and Colin knew that he was the one who’d have to do the work here. But that fine. He deserved all of this.

“I came to explain,” he said quickly, ever-conscious of Stefan’s hand resting idly on the door, as though he were ready to slam it at any given moment.

“How’d you find me?” he asked flatly, and Colin had to smirk at that one, more embarrassed than amused.

“A gross misuse of power and inappropriate application of my computer skills,” he explained. Stefan didn’t react, which he supposed was an answer in and of itself. He almost asked to come in but realized that there was no good reason at this point for Stefan to take him up on the request. It was here, at Stefan’s door, and now, and he had to do it. He had to say it. It had to come out.

"A couple of years ago, I met this girl,” he started, because it was the only place he could think to begin. “Just at some party, back before the game came out and—and everything else happened. Kayla. It was a one-night thing, we didn’t even know each other or talk after that. Then _Nohzdyve_ came out, and about a year passed before she wound up at my door, with a baby, not more than three months old, and said it was mine, and that she needed to go.

“I tried to make her stay. She looked a wreck, just so different from the girl I had met a year before, and… I was afraid for her. Especially with… well, with a child I hadn’t even known I had. She wouldn’t stay, and I stayed up the entire night, trying to find out who she was—I couldn’t even find her family because I didn’t know her last name. And there was this baby, who I had no idea how to care for.

“Kitty showed up the next day. She looked just like Kayla. They’re sisters, the two. But I took one look at her, and I knew right away. They’d found Kayla early in the morning, just a neighborhood over. Kitty thinks it was postpartum depression, but no one can say for sure. They’re parents passed when they were just young, and Kayla didn’t really have anyone else.

“Kitty never tried to take Pearl, though Lord knows I was clueless. When Kitty mentioned she had fallen behind in rent, I said we ought to get a place together, something bigger, with room for all of us, so we did. She watches Pearl while I’m out in class, and we raise her together. Kitty—she’s—” Colin cut himself off with a surprised laugh, though it came out choked and he realized that, at some point, his eyes had filled with tears and his throat had tightened. “She’s very gay,” he admitted with a smile, then straightened. “Since Pearl, I haven’t really—there hasn’t been anyone. It never felt right, y’know. I’m—” he began, but hesitated. “It feels like my fault, with Kayla, and… and I thought it would be wrong. To move forward. To see anyone.

“So, Pearl’s my daughter. Kitty is her aunt. And I’m,” Colin started, then let out a choked laugh again. “I’m an idiot.” There was a long silence, and it took all the courage he had left to look up to Stefan.

Stefan’s hand covered his mouth, and tears were streaming down his cheeks. He was watching Colin wide-eyed, and then he was shaking his head, slowly at first, then aggressively, and Kitty’s influence must have rubbed off on Colin, because he knew right away.

“No,” he said firmly, though his voice was still strained. “This is my fault, Stefan. The conclusion you came to? Totally founded, totally understandable, and I’m— _I’m_ sorry.”

Stefan seemed to crumple at that, his weight falling against the doorframe, a sob escaped him, and Colin couldn’t help stepping forward and pulling Stefan towards him, slowly so that Stefan could pull away, but he didn’t. Here, with Stefan, with the story told, Colin let himself cry, something he wasn’t used to doing, but found such profound comfort in suddenly. They stayed like that, together, for a long time, blind and deaf to the world around them, caught up in each other, in their hurt, in breathing through it all.

“When I was young,” Stefan said quietly, his cheek pressed against Colin’s chest, “my mom passed away. It’s—it’s _terrible_.” He pulled away enough to look up at Colin. “I’m sorry, for what’s happened to you.”

Colin nodded, his lips pursed, because he didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t think there was anything else to say.

“I blamed myself, when she passed,” Stefan admitted carefully. “It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t my fault.” Colin opened his mouth, but Stefan shook his head. “It isn’t your fault. Sometimes, things just happen.”

Colin nodded again, this time not able to keep more tears at bay, and Stefan smiled sadly.

“Come in,” he murmured, more command then question, and Colin followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Kitty guilts Colin into telling Stefan the truth, which is that Pearl is Colin's daughter from a one-night stand with a woman named Kayla, Kitty's sister (so Pearl is Kitty's niece). Kayla passed away, and custody fell to Colin; Kitty (who is Very Gay) moved in with them and they raise Pearl together. Stefan and Colin sob for a while, then Stefan invites Colin into his dorm.
> 
> WELL, WASN'T THAT JUST THE LARGEST TEAR-FEST KNOWN TO MAN. I WAS !! STRAIGHT UP !!! SOBBING !!!! WHILE WRITING THIS !!!!!!! I just love them so much and I want them to be happy but Colin needs to be more in touch with his emotions and Stefan just needed a good cry tbh. 
> 
> ME: IT'S ALL FLUFF. ALSO ME: HERE'S SOME DEEP ANGST.
> 
> ANYWAY please kudos, comment, share, all that fun stuff!!!!! much love!!!! <3


	10. Spoonful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wish you the best / It's gonna be a long, long ride / You should get some rest / Right here by my side"
> 
> (An interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS, HOW ARE YOU, I KNOW IT'S ONLY BEEN LIKE TWO DAYS, BUT I FEEL SO BAD NOT POSTING, BUT I'VE BEEN SO EXHAUSTED, FAM, LIKE JUST SO EXHAUSTED. but. BUT. today was my last day of class for the week, and I found out a got nominated for this really cool presentation thing in my department, sO HERE'S A MINI-CHAPTER THAT'S NOT VERY LONG BUT IS A NICE LITTLE FLUFF FEST BECAUSE I'M REWARDING YOU ALL AS MUCH AS I'M REWARDING MYSELF, ESPECIALLY AFTER THE ANGST-FEST THAT WAS LAST CHAPTER.
> 
> ok. oK. moratorium on all-caps typing until the end of these notes.
> 
> I'll still be a little slow on updates, especially as the semester gets into full swing and I get into the intensive work of my thesis and I start hearing back from grad schools (I'm not typing this in all caps but I am feeling it in all caps: I am f r e a k i n g out about grad admissions, fam, pray for my poor academic soul). that being said, this is such a fun fic to write, and I cannot wait to keep going and eventually finish
> 
> as for the finishing part... I'm not sure when or how that'll be. I finished this little kitty/pearl arc only to realize I had not planned anything past it, and I don't really want to go on with the story if I'm just making filler until I know what I'm doing, because I think the quality of writing and content will suffer, and I want to make the best possible creation I can for all of you <3
> 
> so this chapter, which is (as you will soon notice) very very very short, because it's just a little interlude, and I think a nice little bridge between the first part of the story and whatever comes next, which will definitely be something, this is not the end.
> 
> ok, ugh, here's the caps lock again: THIS IS NOT THE END. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT THE END.
> 
> ANYWAY, now that all that has been said, go read!! enjoy the fluff!!! please keep sharing with your friends and getting more people into our steadily-growing little fandom and keep doing all the great things the make you, you!! love ya!!! <3
> 
> (oh! and the title is from a great new single from Grizfolk, "Spoonful"

Stefan’s curtains filtered the early morning light, casting the room in a honey glow and painting the furniture golden. Colin’s arm was slung around him, pulling him close, as though he were the only thing keeping Stefan from falling off the raised twin bed. Stefan could hear Colin’s breathing, soft huffs that rustled the wispy hair at the back of his neck. Warm and groggy, Stefan felt utterly content, the weight of the night before giving way to a morning free of worry and a future full of time.

Colin stirred behind him, his fingers twitching to life, and Stefan smiled. He’d never seen anyone else wake up, and found a strange delight in it, in watching a person he knew slowly return from unconscious to functioning. The muffled groan, the popping of stretched joints, the subtle muscle movements. He was listening to Colin become Colin again, and it felt as though he was learning the secret to a complicated magic trick, understanding the mechanisms that made up the man he loved.

 

Loved. _Loved_. He had thought that. That he loved Colin. Which was a very new thought, and not a rational one—he had heard once that it took four months to fall in love with someone and it had been a month and they hadn’t even been together for most of it and—

“Morning,” Colin, who Stefan apparently loved, was yawning, oblivious to the whirlwind of thoughts in Stefan’s head. He shifted, tightening his hold on Stefan for a moment before reaching up and stretching out.

“Hi,” Stefan murmured, trying to silence his inner monologue and return to enjoying the moment. Colin bent his forehead down, nuzzling gently against the back of Stefan’s head, and Stefan focused on that, on the profound feeling of _home_ that made his chest warm. Colin hummed, but that quickly devolved into another groan.

“Haven’t you ever heard of sleeping in?” he chided, his voice muffled in Stefan’s fluffy hair.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry,” Stefan began, struggling to turn over to face Colin, a literal balancing act, as he was already on the edge of the bed. When he was finally facing Colin, he was met with an amused and contented smile.

“Nah,” Colin said, and Stefan was close enough to watch his nose crinkle, his freckles scrunching up. They were quiet for a long moment. There was no need to rush, no need to worry, no more secrets. Stefan’s list of questions were still there, but they didn’t feel as urgent; one day, he knew, he’d have the answers, and that was enough. Instead, he spent his time trying to memorize the curves of Colin’s face, the swipe of eyelashes over his eyes, eyes that he hadn’t even realized were the color of his favorite rivers, all water and moss and earth.

“Wait.” A realization dawned on Stefan. “Can you even see without your glasses?” Colin opened and shut his mouth before a mischievous grin spread across his lips. A surprised laugh punched its way out of Stefan. “You can’t, can you?”

“Mmm, I can see colors and the vague shape of things,” he tried, and Stefan laughed harder, Colin joining in as he put his head down. “Such an idiot,” Stefan giggled between breaths.

“Well,” Colin began, his voice colored by his laughter, “I’m your idiot.” Although Colin didn’t—and wouldn’t—say as much, there was a question beneath that sentence, a _right?_ implied at the end of it.

“Yes,” Stefan confirmed, “you’re my idiot.” Colin hummed again, a low, delighted sound—and Stefan wanted that to be his new ringtone—and pulled Stefan closer to him, his head in the hollow of Stefan’s throat.

He never wanted to leave this bed. He never wanted to leave this moment.

He never wanted to leave this person. And maybe that was love after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wiping a tear* I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING
> 
> finally came through on that 100% fluff, and it only took 10 whole chapters ;)))))
> 
> OK, so like I said, I gotta take a sec to figure out where to go next and also catch up on the many hours of sleep I lost this week and try not to freak out about all of life. but then I'll have more!
> 
> AGAIN, THIS IS NOT THE END, FAM, THERE SHALL BE MORE.
> 
> also, I guess in that vein, if you have ideas of where you want this to go next, feel free to comment or DM me! I can't promise I'll go with them, because I am a fickle writer, but part of my considerations with this is always "what would they like to read next and see from this fic", so even vague things like "more fluff" or "more angst" or "please stop making us cry" are all acceptable suggestions!! 
> 
> oK OK I'LL STOP TALKING SO MUCH. THANKS FOR READING, PLEASE CONTINUE TO KUDOS, COMMENT, SHARE, SUB, BOOKMARK, AND EVERYTHING ELSE YOU CAN THINK TO DO <3


	11. Over My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, right, this was a university AU, wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY FAM. thanks so much for your well-wishes and for giving me time to develop the pic and also get buried under a large pile of work that I am currently ignoring. I'll keep it short, since I'm procrastinating haha, but this is the start of a newer section of the fic, with new problems and feelings and, best of all, MORE FLUFF. this chapter isn't super fluffy, but there will be LOADS of fluff to come, no worries, no worries 
> 
> OKAY, GO READ <3

On a Thursday morning in mid-October, Stefan and Colin took their seats in the classroom exactly two minutes late, and the smirk on Colin’s lips and bright red on Stefan’s cheeks made clear exactly why they were late. Stefan kept his eyes down, fighting the smile that had already made itself at home, and rushed to pull his notes up on his laptop while the professor continued with his lecture. It wasn’t until three minutes later, after the flush on his cheeks began to fade, that Stefan looked up again and found Colin staring at him, just as he did that first day of class.

Stefan didn’t know how he’d done it, but apparently he’d made all the right choices. There wasn’t a thing he wanted to change.

“Now, I’ll be expecting an early draft of your projects sometime next week,” the professor announced, effectively bursting (or, more aptly, disintegrating) Stefan’s bubble.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been working on his game. Well, it was definitely like that for the past couple of weeks, but he’d still _thought_ about it. Just, not so much, not with Colin taking up most of both his head and personal space. Across the room, the pained expression that overtook Colin’s facial features seemed to suggest he and Stefan were in a similarly screwed boat.

The professor continued with his lecture and Stefan deafly took notes, but his mind was elsewhere, trying to figure out some way for him to actually finish a draft of his work in the next week. By the end of class, his plan consisted of bribing Lina and Gabriel to take up his shifts, telling his dad to forget he existed for a week, and more caffeine than medically advisable.

“It’ll be fine,” Colin declared the moment they were out of the room, and Stefan shot him a skeptical look. “No, it will. Lewis just needs a first draft, and he’s not even expecting a finished game by the end of the semester, because that would be ridiculous. Just a demo. The goal is a product you can pitch, and you’re—well, you’ve got the ideas which is half the battle.”

“I don’t think that even constitutes part of the battle. I think it’s more of the training before the battle,” Stefan protested.

“Just take the pep talk you’re given,” Colin sighed. They walked in silence for a few moments, into the crisp October air. The leaves were becoming red and brown and crunchy, and Stefan loved it. In autumn, it seemed as though the world were burning, just, in a pleasant way. Every other season looked boring or dull, but autumn didn’t allow itself to go unnoticed.

“Okay,” Colin said suddenly, and Stefan hummed. “Your computer is shit.”

“Thank you?”

“No, I—It’ll take you three times as long to finish on that dinosaur,” he explained. “You should use mine instead.”

“Okay?” Stefan answered, not entirely sure what Colin was suggesting, but sure that there had to be more than that.

“You should come work at my flat over the weekend,” Colin stated and Stefan stopped walking.

“Oh.”

“It’s not—I won’t be distracting. It’ll just be faster, if you use my computer and I’m there,” he rushed to add, guiding Stefan out of the middle of the path. “I can check your work as you do it.”

“Oh,” Stefan said again, dumbly. “Last time, though—” he started, but Colin cut him off with the wave of his hand.

“Totally different,” Colin decided. “No misunderstandings, it’s all out now.”

“But Kitty—”

“—Will be happy to have someone to talk to that isn’t me or a baby.”

“Pearl—”

“—Has finally started sleeping through the night and will not be a bother at all and will also not really know you’re there at all.”

“And you—”

“—Are always happy to have more time with you,” Colin finished, smiling softly, and set his hand gently on Stefan’s cheek. “Don’t worry. It’ll just be boring ol’ work all weekend.”

“Boring,” Stefan repeated slowly.

“Boring,” Colin confirmed, his hand dropping to pull out a roll-up and light it. Stefan thought it over. It was true that his computer was rubbish and that having Colin around would make the entire process much smoother. Not to mention, people in his dorm liked to pull fire alarms in the wee hours of the morning. Sure, Colin could be _distracting_ , but he had assured Stefan that it would just be work all weekend. It was debatable how far of a stretch on the truth that would be, but Stefan didn’t have time for that sort of mental deliberation.

“Okay,” Stefan agreed after a pause, and Colin smiled around his roll-up.

“Fantastic. I’ll pick you up ‘round five, alright?”

“Okay,” Stefan said again, less decisively.

“It’ll be fine,” Colin soothed, setting his hand on Stefan’s shoulder and squeezing gently. “Boring,” he reminded, and Stefan nodded.

A voice in his mind reminded him than nothing with Colin was ever boring.

 

~~~

 

A fully-stuff backpack on his shoulder, Stefan watched as Colin unlocked the door to his flat, a wave of déjà vu washing over him. It was the site where everything had gone wrong a few weeks ago. Stefan knew it had been a misunderstanding, not anything really real, but… But it _had_ been real, at least for a little while. And even when Colin had told him the truth, parts of it were still real. Colin was a _father_. There was a baby behind that door, and it was Colin’s, and that was… Well, it was a lot.

Stefan wanted to be the guy that took it all in stride, that got close to Pearl in an instant and became one of the family without a second thought, but he didn’t think he was that guy. He had never thought he would _have_ to be that guy. He didn’t know if he was ready for it, for Kitty and Pearl and everything that came with Colin.

“Come along,” Colin called from the doorway, his hand outstretched for Stefan to take. Stefan could turn back. He didn’t have to go forward, he didn’t have to continue on this path. He had a choice. He _always_ had a choice. It was just a matter of making the right one. If he left, he would finish the demo on his own, work his shifts at The Grind, graduate in a year, keep on the same trajectory, no deviations. If he took Colin’s hand… it wasn’t so clear. He could have a family—he could _be_ in a family, a real one. And he would study, sure, but then there would be responsibilities. People would expect things from him, things he didn’t know if he was ready to give. If he left, he wouldn’t have that, not now, not ever if he didn’t want it. He could still turn around, could stay in the planned, the known.

He took Colin’s hand and stepped over the threshold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THERE ISN'T A LOT THAT HAPPENS IN THIS ONE OR THAT THERE ISN'T ACTUALLY MUCH WRITTEN. I know where I'm going after this, but I felt like it would have been a big mood shift to immediately go into what I'll write for the next chapter, and I think it's important to see Stefan grappling with all of this. BUT AGAIN, SORRY, Y'ALL. like I said, though, more fluff to come!!!! <3
> 
> also, y'all, I know nothing about video game design or, like, the proper milestones for babies, so !!! ha, please give me some suspension of disbelief as we move forward and accept my preemptive apology for the wildly inaccurate things I might say in the near future xD 
> 
> thanks again for all of your input and patience and love <3 keep on giving kudos, comments, and all that fun stuff!!! I'll have a new chapter probably this weekend at some point!!!!! <3


	12. Welcome To the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No pressure, but would you like to blow my mind / And move too fast and plan our perfect lives together?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WEEKEND COMES NOW; HERE IS THE NEW CHAPTER!!
> 
> so a real quick note. I'd like to remind everyone that I Don't Know Babies, so... there are probably some inaccuracies in this. I also had to go back and edit the timeline of Colin and Pearl's past a bit, mostly to make her a more accurate age for the story. JUST GO WITH IT, FAM, I'M SORRY I'M BAD AT THIS 
> 
> I know updates have been a little slower (I mean, not this week, but in general), and that'll keep up. I've been so exhausted, and the first of the grad application decisions are starting to come out, so I'm just freaking out more and more (hence, the new chapter hahaha) + classes are tough so, rip
> 
> SONG LYRICS FROM ONE OF MY FAVORITE MUSICIANS EVER, WATSKY, AND HIS SONG "WELCOME TO THE FAMILY"
> 
> OKAY, GO ON AHEAD AND ENJOY <3 maybe I'll get another chapter this weekend since it's a loooong weekend!!

The flat looked so much different by day, without the panicked rush Stefan had been in that first morning. There were bits of Colin everywhere, in the patterned graphic wallpaper, the indie art prints, the topsy-turvy architecture of the whole place, like it was some sort of mini-maze. But it wasn’t just Colin. There were toys scattered in the corners of hallways, tiny green shoes beside Colin’s sneakers, crayon art hung on the walls. This wasn’t just Colin’s flat, it was Pearl’s, too. Or, rather, it was their _home_.

At least, this is what Stefan may have noticed had he not been immediately greeted by Kitty, her bright orange hair, her wide smile, and her outstretched arms.

“Stefan!” she called, pulling Stefan into a quick (and, Stefan found, tight) hug before taking a step back, ostensibly to observe him. “You’re even cuter when you’re not running out of the flat,” she observed, and Stefan looked to Colin for some sort of help or guidance or perhaps even a cyanide capsule. 

“ _Kitty_ ,” Colin warned, but Kitty didn’t pay him any attention.

“You know, Colin was an absolute wreck without you,” she said conspiratorially. Stefan blushed, and Kitty just winked at him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll lock her out when she takes the rubbish out tonight,” Colin deadpanned, and Kitty hit his side playfully.

Stefan… Stefan wasn’t quite sure what to say or do. He had so obviously walked into, well, a family, and they had their own dynamics and jokes, and Stefan… Stefan felt so at sea, so foreign all of a sudden. Perhaps it had been a mistake, perhaps—

“Hey,” Colin said, and Stefan blinked himself back into the moment. Colin was still smiling, but there was concern behind his eyes, and one glance at Kitty revealed the same expression. Jesus, what had he gotten himself into? This entire thing was a mistake, it— “Hey,” Colin repeated, taking Stefan’s hand and squeezing reassuringly. “C’mon. Let me show you my room.”

“Okay,” Stefan agreed, giving Kitty a weak smile as Colin led him down the hall. “Very nice to officially meet you,” he added, and she beamed. Once the door shut behind them, Colin raised an eyebrow at Stefan.

“This is going well, hm?” Colin joked, and Stefan tugged at the hem of his shirt, not looking up. There was a long silence before Colin stepped closer and gently set his hand on Stefan’s neck, his thumb unconsciously moving in soothing circles. Stefan looked up to find Colin’s eyebrows knit, the wheels in his mind turning and turning, trying so hard to make a decision. He opened and shut his mouth a few times before finally giving a sigh. “Look, I know this is weird. I know it’s… it’s not ideal.” A beat passed as Colin tried to decide what to say next. “We can go elsewhere?” he offered. “Or I can just let you work alone?”

“No,” Stefan said quietly, but Colin didn’t look relieved at all. “No,” he repeated more confidently. “I—I want to stay.”

“Really?” Colin asked, and Stefan knew that he was asking about more than just the project, more than just that night.

“Yes,” Stefan confirmed, smiling softly. “Of course.”

“Good,” Colin grinned. He was still grinning when he leaned forward and kissed Stefan, slowly, gently, lazy like the morning they had spent in bed. Stefan had just closed his eyes, had just began kissing back, when—

“Boys,” Kitty called from somewhere behind the door, and Colin pulled back again, glaring at the door, the hint of a smile still on his lips. “This is a working weekend, not a snogging one.”

“Thanks, mom,” Colin shouted back, and Stefan couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up inside him. Stefan knew he was in the right place, and from the look in Colin’s eyes, he agreed.

 

~~~

 

Stefan didn’t know how long he’d been under—as in, how long it had been since he looked away from the blue glow of Colin’s computer screen—but the sound of crying jolted him out of it. He blinked, trying to adjust his eyes against the darkness of the room, which, when had it gotten so dark? There was a cup of now-cold tea beside the keyboard—when had that been put there? He groaned and rubbed a hand across his face. He hadn’t gotten so far into work like this since high school. Memories of his father, both concerned and angry, flipped through his mind like scenes from a television show, and then it hit him. Colin wasn’t in the room. It must have been late, and Pearl was crying, and Stefan _really_ hadn’t meant to get so caught up that he blocked out the entire world. Colin had said the weekend would be boring and full of work, so he would probably understand, but… well, Stefan still felt as though he should have at least popped out before—what time was it?

Stefan glanced at the clock on the computer and nearly threw the tea over the keyboard. It was three in the morning. When had that happened? How had that happened? It was only six when Colin had gotten him all set up and now it was—well, it was _three in the morning_.

The grumble of his stomach brought a new realization: it was three in the morning and he hadn’t since lunch of what was _apparently_ the day before. Stefan made a silent vow to never mention this to Dr. Hayes if he saw her again, stood, and stretched. He would stop by the loo and then he would force himself to go to sleep and try to wake up at a normal time for some breakfast, then it was back to work for him. Possibly with an alarm to remind him of normal human bodily functions before nine hours passed without him noticing.

All of his plans vanished when he opened the door and found Colin soothing a now-sleepy Pearl. For a second, he just stood there, less surprised at the sight of Colin awake and more amazed at the way he held her, rocking gently, whispering something—Stefan couldn’t hear—to her, utterly tender. Stefan didn’t want to move, didn’t want to cause this moment to end. It didn’t even feel strange, seeing Colin with Pearl. It felt, he realized, absolutely right.

Colin looked up after a second and a contented smile spread on his lips.

“Hungry?” he whispered.

“Starved,” Stefan admitted, and Colin smirked.

“I’ll fix you something. Just give me a few to calm her,” he answered.

“I can hold her,” Stefan offered, because apparently Stefan’s mouth had completed rejected its filter. “Or, I can try,” he added hastily. Colin’s smile brightened exponentially, and he stepped closer.

“Arms out,” he commanded, and Stefan complied. He’d held a few babies before, mostly distant cousins and nieces and nephews, but it had been a very long time. “Here.” Stefan took her carefully, so, so afraid that he might do something completely idiotic, as was in his nature. “Like this,” Colin murmured, shifting Stefan’s arms slightly, and then he was letting go and, oh jeez, Stefan was doing this all on his own now.

She was… she was so small, so fragile, and so absolutely serene. Through lidded eyes, she blinked up at Stefan, and he recognized their same murky green-blue as those of Colin. He glanced up and found Colin slouched against a nearby doorframe, his arms crossed, smiling at the pair of them.

“You’re a natural,” he whispered. Stefan couldn’t do anything but smile back. He followed Colin through the hallway and back out into the kitchen, holding Pearl with the utmost care the entire time. Colin pulled a slice of pizza from the fridge and popped it into the microwave, shooting unsubtle glances back at Stefan and Pearl along the way. “Just leftovers, if that’s alright?”

“Perfect,” Stefan said quietly, trying not to wake Pearl, who had finally dozed off. Colin hummed, then quickly stopped the microwave before it could beep. He set the plate on the table and approached Stefan.

“You really _are_ a natural,” he assured, looking between Stefan and Pearl. “I’ll put her back to bed then.” Stefan nodded and set her in Colin’s arms gently so as not to wake her again. Colin spared one last smile before disappearing back down the hallway.

As Stefan bit into the pizza, his mind was not on the sogginess it had taken on or even the wave of exhaustion now coming over him. Instead, he only felt surprised—surprised at how _comfortable_ he had felt holding Pearl, exchanging looks with Colin in the kitchen. It was so _domestic_ , something he never thought he could enjoy at all, let alone as much as he just had.

Colin slid into the seat across the way and studied Stefan, perhaps looking for the same panic he had felt earlier in the day, but Stefan knew he wouldn’t find it. Sure, it was still a little strange, but it was just something to get used to, like a new haircut—not bad at all, just different.

“How’s it going, then?” Colin asked, apparently satisfied in his search, and leaned back in the chair.

“Fine,” Stefan mumbled. “Fine, I just—I didn’t realize I had been working as long as I had.”

“You’re in the hole,” Colin shrugged.

“The what?”

“The hole,” he repeated. “So deep in the game that the only way out is through.”

“Right.”

“Don’t worry,” Colin added. “It’s just part of the process. I used to think there was some magic way out, but, well, there isn’t.” He shrugged again. “Just keep working. Ask for help if you need it.”

“Okay,” Stefan mumbled around another bite of pizza. With every moment, he was becoming more and more exhausted, the hours of sleep lost catching up to him. Colin seemed to notice, the corner of his lip quirking up.

“No more for tonight,” he decided, and Stefan didn’t think he had enough energy to fight that decree. “I can check over what you’ve got in the morning and we can make a plan from there.”

“Okay,” Stefan said again, finishing the slice happily. It was just enough to hold him over until normal daylight hours. Colin started to grabbed Stefan’s plate and started to get up, but hesitated.

“All of this—it’s—is it okay?” he asked, and Stefan only smiled.

“Perfect,” he confirmed. Colin gave a decisive nod before setting the plate in the sink.

“To bed then?” Colin offered, rounding the table to stand beside Stefan.

“Definitely.” Colin smirked and set off down the hallway again, back to the room Stefan had been working in, and it only hit him then that that had been Colin’s room. “Oh no, I’ve been keeping you up,” he realized, and Colin laughed quietly, shutting the door behind them.

“Nah.” He didn’t bother turning the light on, choosing instead to straighten the comforter. “I passed out on the couch for a while, but other than that it was fine.” He looked up with mischief in his eye and laughed when he saw the panicked expression on Stefan’s face. “Kidding, kidding. I’m a night owl. This is my usual bedtime.”

“Oh,” Stefan chuckled. “Good.” Colin nodded, looking back down at the bed but not moving to get in. Stefan stayed in his corner of the room, suddenly nervous again.

“Well,” Colin said after a beat, “it’s that time.” Stefan hummed, for lack of anything better to do, and his eyes locked on Colin’s. They were silent for what felt like an eternity before, finally, Colin burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, it’s just—it feels like a standoff.”

“What?” Stefan asked, though he was laughing too.

“C’mon,” Colin commanded between breaths, “let’s just—sleep.” Stefan nodded, and then they were both getting into bed as though it were the most comfortable thing, Colin’s arm wrapped around Stefan’s side.

And again, Stefan was overwhelmed by a feeling of profound comfort, like he had found the place he really belonged. Like he had found _home_.

“It is ideal,” he said after a moment.

“What?” Colin murmured, his voice already heavy with oncoming sleep.

“All of this,” Stefan clarified. “You said it’s not ideal, but it is.” A beat passed and Stefan wondered if Colin had fallen asleep, but then his arm was squeezing tighter around Stefan, his forehead pressed against the nape of Stefan’s neck.

“I think so, too” Colin whispered, his voice barely audible, but Stefan heard it, heard the vulnerability that Colin never liked to show, the relief he was still trying to hide. He understood Colin, he realized. His last thought before slipping into sleep’s embrace was that, yes, Colin wasn’t so much of an enigma after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AKJDHG my boys, I love them with all my heart, and I would DIE for domestic!stefan/Colin, you don't even know. I wrote this just dying. honestly, as soon as I knew I was going here with the story, I had a THOUSAND scenarios I wanted to do, and we've just got the tip of the iceberg here, fam
> 
> I've said it before, but I LIVE for your comments, especially as updates get a little slower; your support keeps me writing!! so keep supporting, please!! comments, kudos, subs, bookmarks, all of that!! share it with your friends!! MOST OF ALL, THOUGH, know that I am so appreciative of you even taking the time to read this <3 thanks so much <3


	13. Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're like good water pressure / In a cold rainy summer, / all that you can deliver / I want it bad"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! thanks for all the comments and support and all of that. truthfully, it's been a really hard week and a really really REALLY hard weekend, but I'm pushing through. I finished most of this chapter on like Tuesday, tbh, but finishing it was just tough with everything that came up. which leads me to say that it will probably be another week, give or take, before I have another chapter of this up. so sorry!! I would love to write more, but my energy and my focus suck right now and I'm dying under the weight of schoolwork and my thesis and everything else
> 
> song lyrics from "Pressure" by Milk & Bone (really awesome song, would recommend listening)
> 
> okay!! go enjoy!!!

Stefan woke up to the smell of bacon and the familiar clacking of a keyboard. He didn’t open his eyes for a moment, just enjoyed the warmth of Colin’s comforter. He didn’t have to rush, didn’t have to worry, didn’t have to do anything but lie there.

Until he remembered the purpose of this weekend.

With a yawn, Stefan sat up in bed, blinking the remnants of sleep from his eyes. The typing at the keyboard stopped and Stefan found Colin looking back at him.

“Morning,” he drawled.

“Mm, morning,” Stefan mumbled, reluctantly pushing the covers down. He was still wearing his clothes from the day before, he realized.

“Shower?” Colin asked, apparently a mind reader. Stefan nodded sheepishly. “Alright, I’ll show you where everything is.” Stefan followed Colin to a bathroom down the hall and listened as he explained how everything worked. “Towel is here,” he said as he pulled a towel from a cupboard and set it on the countertop. Colin looked around then gave a nod. “I’ll leave you to it. Breakfast in the kitchen when you’re done.”

As soon as the door shut, Stefan looked around again. _Not weird_ , he reminded himself. _Very not weird_. He tossed his dirty clothes outside the bathroom door and turned back to the shower. Every concern washed away as soon as he turned the shower on. The water was _hot_ and the pressure was _perfect_ and Stefan had _really_ missed showers that weren’t communal and located in dorms. He probably would have spent an entire day in that shower had it not been for the now-added smell of eggs and the rumble of his stomach. With a reluctant sigh, he turned the shower of and stepped out. He had just finished drying off when he had a vital realization.

He hadn’t brought a change of clothes in. Because he was an idiot. But it was fine. He still had the dirty ones out in the hall. He opened the door a very tiny crack and found that, no, he did not have the dirty ones in the hall anymore.

He resisted the urge to panic, instead tying the towel around his waist and thinking through the problem. His clothes were in Colin’s room. Colin’s room was just down the hall. Colin and Kitty and probably Pearl were just in the kitchen, which he wouldn’t even be passing. So it would be fine. He would just get into Colin’s room and change and it would be _fine_.

With a deep breath and a quick peak out the door, Stefan snuck out and down the hall. The coast was clear, just another few steps and—

And Colin burst out of his room, running directly into Stefan, who let out an embarrassing squeak and immediately grabbed onto the corner of his towel to keep it from falling. Colin put a hand on his arm to steady him, but Stefan just ended up backing himself up against the wall. They both stilled, the commotion thankfully done, but neither of them said anything. The look in Colin’s eye was inscrutable, and Stefan wasn’t about to break the silence, not when he couldn’t trust his voice to do more than squeak. Colin opened his mouth to speak, but moved forward instead, his lips tentatively brushing against Stefan’s. Stefan was shocked for a moment, then kissed back, letting his eyes shut. Colin pushed forward, his hand falling from Stefan’s arm to the skin of his waist, and Stefan breathed into Colin’s mouth. This was different, slow and lazy no more. There was a _hunger_ in Colin’s movements, in the way he nipped at Stefan’s lip, his hand pressing tightly against his side. Colin wanted _more_ and Stefan didn't know if he did, too.

“Morning!” a chipper voice called and Stefan jerked his head back far enough that it slammed against the wall behind him. He didn’t dare open his eyes, embarrassment coloring his cheeks as Kitty looked on with amused concern. “You alright?”

“Fantastic,” Stefan groaned, peaking an eye open. Kitty looked about ready to crack up, while Colin glared at her, moving his hand from Stefan’s waist to flip her off. She winked at Stefan then headed back out of the hallway, towards the kitchen. Colin and Stefan stayed still for a moment, Colin still looking down the hallway, before he glanced back at Stefan with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” he murmured, his voice rough as he dipped to kiss Stefan again, briefly this time.

“It’s okay,” Stefan managed to say, willing himself not to stammer.

“I’ll let you get dressed,” Colin decided, though he waited a beat before actually stepping away. Stefan was sure his cheeks were bright red at this point. He ducked away and headed towards Colin’s room. “This was nice, though,” Colin added lowly, and Stefan glanced back.

“It was,” he agreed, then shut the door behind him and let out a breath he had been holding for what felt like a decade. _Boring_. A _boring_ weekend. Stefan laughed to himself as he pulled a jumper over his head. That was the biggest lie he’d ever heard.

 

~~~

 

Stefan pretended to be very interested in his eggs while Colin and Kitty exchanged dirty looks across the table, Kitty slowly feeding Pearl and Colin glancing over the book he was reading. He had arrived at the table to find a plate made for him and the pair of them like this; it had been a solid five minutes since then, with every second growing more and more awkward.

Colin cleared his throat and Stefan tried and failed not to jump.

“The demo is looking good,” he announced, setting his book down and ignoring Kitty as she stuck her tongue out at him. “Glad to see you didn’t get too caught up in canon.”

“You were right,” Stefan admitted. “Some dismal routes are expected, but a positive one or two helped more than hurt it, I think.” Colin hummed in agreement.

“Your code looks good so far, too,” he continued. “Just a few errors. Probably the sleep deprivation.” Kitty coughed in a way that sounded suspiciously like laughter and took a swig of her orange juice. When she was done, she gave them a Cheshire cat grin.

"I’ll be going out later today,” she declared. “Me and Pearl,” she added, her eyes darting between the two. “Just going to _leave_ the _flat_. You’ll be _alo_ —”

“Got it, Kitty, thank you,” Colin snapped, and Stefan struggled not to laugh. And then he realized the implication of her words and the _expectations_ behind them, expectations meant for him. He… well, he didn’t know how he felt about that.

After breakfast, Stefan returned to Colin’s computer and Colin left him be, sprawling out on the couch in the living room. True to her word, about an hour after Stefan got back to work, Kitty announced that she was leaving the house and taking Pearl with her. Stefan barely heard the slam of the door behind her over the pounding of his heart. _Boring_ , he assured himself. Just work. Only work. He took a deep breath and did his best to settle himself, focusing as best as he could on the work before him. It was difficult at first, finding the flow, but then it got easier. Colin hadn’t rushed from the couch into the room the second Kitty left; in fact, the entire flat was silent except for the clacking of Colin’s keyboard beneath Stefan’s fingers.

That’s why, nearly an hour and a half later, the creak of a floorboard down the hall was enough to snap Stefan out of focus, eyes going to the door of the room immediately. Colin appeared a minute later, nonplussed to find Stefan already watching for him.

“How’s it going?” he asked, entering the room and standing at Stefan’s side.

“Good,” Stefan answered quickly. “Very good. Just—super good.”

“Good,” Colin repeated, his smirk evident in his voice. Slowly, like a prowling cat, he moved behind Stefan; Stefan didn’t dare look back, shutting his eyes in anticipation. The springs of Colin’s bed squeaked quietly as he apparently took a seat. “Thought you could use a break,” Colin said by way of explanation. Stefan was in the process of debating turning around (truthfully, he knew he would never have turned around) when Colin gently kicked the base of his chair, spinning Stefan around just enough that he was brought face to face with Colin.

“Well,” was all Stefan could say. There was nothing to follow that, nothing he could think to say, any stray words caught in the base of his throat when he saw the way Colin was looking at him. Like he was the largest present on Christmas morning. All at once, he was adored and terrified by that look, by the way that look made him feel, by the power lingering just beneath the surface of Colin’s skin. The room was practically buzzing with it, with potential energy just about to jumpstart into kinetic frenzy.

All it took was Colin leaning forward a fraction of an inch before Stefan was backing himself up and jumping at the slam of the chair against the desk.

“I don’t think I’m ready!” he shouted in a rush, and instantly felt foolish. Nothing had even happened, not a single thing, and here he was, in Colin’s room, making a mess and shouting at Colin and—

"Alright,” Colin shrugged, as though it were the simplest thing in the world, and Stefan was relieved and _really_ tired of Colin taking every single thing in stride. Just so cool about everything, as though not a thing mattered, as though he didn’t care what happened, as though— “Have I grown a second head?”

“Pardon?” Stefan asked, his voice still too loud, and he frowned at himself.

“Well,” Colin began, leaning back again, “you’re looking as though I have. Or, better analogy: you’re looking at me as though I’ve killed your dad or something.” He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Stefan said quickly, but Colin’s skeptical frown told him that that answer wouldn’t work. “I just—Why do you always do that?”

“What?” Colin sounded genuinely interested and concerned, which made the next sentence so much harder for Stefan to say.

“Act like nothing is a big deal,” he sighed. “Like you don’t care what happens either way. Like nothing matters.” For a long moment, the only response Colin gave was a hum as he leaned further back on his elbows and studied the ceiling. Stefan waited, hoping there would be more of an answer than that.

“Partly, it’s habit,” Colin eventually explained. “Just something I used to believe, key word being ‘used to’. Now? I guess it’s because it doesn’t matter, in the sense that whatever happens, happens.” He sat up again and was met with Stefan’s confused features. “I just mean that it’s fine not to be ready for—things, whatever things. Maybe they’ll happen one day, eventually. Doesn’t matter, not as long as I get to have you around.”

“Oh,” Stefan managed. That was a lot of information for him to process. Cautiously, Colin leaned forward and set his hand on Stefan’s cheek, smiling gently.

“Of _course_ I care. I just don’t think we have to be in a rush,” he murmured. Stefan nodded slowly, his mind catching up to his heart.

“There’s a poem I read once,” he said slowly, “and—well—I just like part of it.” He paused, smiling without knowing. “’We will, it will—the rest won’t be history. How would you like to go for a walk with me?’” Colin hummed.

“Exactly,” he agreed. He tilted his head, considering, and Stefan smiled wider, so caught up in Colin he couldn’t see a way out. He didn’t want a way out. “How about we go for a walk, then? That’s a _boring_ break if I’ve ever heard one.”

“Yeah,” Stefan laughed. “Yeah, a walk sounds good.” Colin nodded once, starting to pull back when Stefan caught his wrist. “Colin?”

“Yeah?”

He didn’t answer, instead leaning forward and brushing his lips against Colin’s, a quick kiss but just enough to say what he didn’t know how to put words to: _thank you_ and _you’re wonderful_ and _I feel so lucky_ and _I love you_.

Colin pulled away after a moment, smiling, and took Stefan’s hand. They had all the time in the world, and that would be more than enough to do anything they wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awwww my kiddos, my children, I love them <3
> 
> the poem line is from my favorite poem in the world actually, Love Poem by Graham Foust (the entirety of which is here https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/love-poem-0 ) 
> 
> this chapter I was really considering whether or not I wanted to keep this piece rated at T, and while it is still at T in this chapter, I'm a little undecided on what to do going forward, so any thoughts on that are welcome!! 
> 
> as usual, please keep commenting!!! I live on comments!!! I come back to this piece because of comments!!!! I love them!!! kudos, subs, bookmarks, and everything else are also very much welcome <3 much love!!! <3


	14. Power On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I thought I’d never find my place, but I was wrong / And where I least wanted to look, it came along”
> 
> Lyrics from “Power On” by James Blake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS, sorry it's been longer than anticipated for this next chapter!! first I had writer's block and then I was hella busy, but yesterday I had a sudden spark of inspiration so HERE WE ARE!! 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT: FANBRUARY IS COMING UP, FAM!! what is this, you ask? WELL it's a month for fans to be fans!! in honor, I wanted to take toastyhat's idea (from Tumblr here http://masked-fox-creations.tumblr.com/post/181997947463/toastyhat-its-2019-and-graphic-design-is-still) and run with it a little!! so....
> 
> COMPETITION TIME: because it's fanbruary in a couple days AND because this fic is the SIXTH MOST KUDOS-ED STEFAN/COLIN FIC, I figured we could have a (very friendly) little competition! starting now, submit ANY fan works (art, writing, videos, songs, idk whatever you got, fam) related to Bandersnatch to this (lame and underdeveloped) blog https://barelyfanfictional.tumblr.com under submissions (if your work is elsewhere and you don't have a Tumblr, submit the link via the inbox) OR give me links in the comments of this or any chapter of this fic!!! by the end of the month, I'll pick winners (I'm debating on overall winners or winners in categories for art/writing/etc.) and you'll get a PRIZE. preference will go to those who make fanworks especially related to Like Lovers Do, but anything bandersnatch is good!!
> 
> PRIZE: what is this prize? well, very good question, and one I want to pose to you!! what do you want for prizes?? I'm thinking early access to chapters and/or maybe even a special (short) fic written just for you?? like you tell me the prompt and I'll get to it?? BUT IF THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE YOU WANT (like, idk, a printed and signed version of this fic or like idk, whatever else) SAY IT IN THE COMMENTS AND I WILL CONSIDER IT. I want this to be a competition ALL ABOUT YOU, to celebrate YOUR fanish-ness!! 
> 
> OTHER THAN THAT, there's not much to say besides the usual!! updates will probably take a little while longer (I'm in the last stages of getting my first smooth draft of my thesis sent in!!) but I'll do my best to make them at least weekly!! wish me loads of luck on grad school applications because decisions are sloooowly coming out and my future is on the line hahaha 
> 
> other than that, please keep commenting and sharing and giving kudos!!

Stefan woke up at what felt like an ungodly early hour. It was barely light out and Colin’s arm was still slung around his side and—boy, Colin’s snoring was both obnoxious and adorable and Stefan was surprised he even slept through it.

Especially surprised because he _had_ been woken up by the chirping of his phone on the bedside table. Groaning and moving carefully (so as not to wake Colin) but quickly (so as not to miss the call and, yes, not to wake Colin), Stefan slapped at the table until his hand connected with his buzzing cell phone. If it wasn’t important, he wouldn’t pick it up. He barely picked up his phone anyway. No one would miss him—

—Except his father, who was currently calling him. At, fantastic, half past five in the morning. He hated it, but he had to answer.

“Hello?” he murmured, rolling out of Colin’s grasp (and nearly right off the bed) and padding down the hall.

“Stefan!” his father basically shouted because he had no concept of time and lacked the ability to read the room. “How are you this fine Saturday morning?”

“Great, just—super,” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes as he went onto the balcony and slid the door shut behind him. “Why are you calling so early?”

“Earl—” his dad started but cut himself off with a laugh. “Oh, no! Time difference, sorry, son.”

“Time difference?” Stefan asked, waking up at the bitter cold of the morning. He ought to have grabbed a coat. “Why would there be a time difference? Are you—Dad, are you out of country?”

"In Hawai’i!” his dad answered as though it were not only obvious, but completely normal. “I’m sure I must have mentioned it to you.”

“I’m quite sure not,” Stefan countered. Sure, sometimes he zoned out a bit when his dad called, but he would have definitely zoned back in at the mentioned of a trip to the tropics.

“Well, I’m here,” his father stated, firm but he still sounded so happy.

“How is it?” Stefan asked, leaning against the edge of the balcony and crossing an arm across this chest.

"Oh, amazing, Stefan. You wouldn’t believe it—it’s _warm_ here. People are wearing—they call them _slippers_ here, but they’re flip flops. In October!” It was almost cliché how much his father sounded like a typical dad. Stefan smiled. It had been a long time since he’d heard his dad like this. Maybe never. “You can go swimming and snorkeling, and Claudia even wants to try surfing.”

“ _Claudia_?” Stefan perked up at the name, his smirk badly hidden from his voice. “You mean Claudia from the bank?”

“Yes,” his father answered after a pause, now sheepish, joy sucked almost completely from his voice.

“I didn’t know you were dating Claudia,” Stefan pushed.

“Well,” he began, but hesitated. “It’s been a few months—”

“ _Months_?”

“—And I didn’t want to say anything till it was really serious.” He huffed out a breath. “I know it’s tough, with your mother and… and everything.”

“ _Dad_ ,” Stefan managed, though it came out rougher and more broken than he had intended. “That was a long time ago. I just want you to be happy.”

A long silence followed, and Stefan knew that he didn’t have to fill it, that it was one his father had to break.

“Thank you, son,” he finally said, clearly choked up even through the phone line. “That means a lot.”

Another beat passed.

“So,” Stefan started, clearing his throat, “surfing, hm?”

 

~~~

 

By the time Stefan had gotten off the phone with his dad, he was far too awake to go back to bed. He crept into Colin’s room, withdrew his laptop from his backpack, and returned to the living room. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well work; while he didn’t dare go back to revising code on Colin’s computer (not everyone can sleep through the clacking of a keyboard), he still had other work to do, other classes to prep for, though it seemed like he was only ever focused on one class.

A pair of headphones in, he slid into another assignment with ease. Had he not been fixated on his work, Stefan might have realized, for what felt like the hundredth time, how comfortable it felt to just _be_ in this apartment, to work and to sleep and to live.

He was almost engrossed enough in his assignment to miss the flash of orange that passed by. Almost. He pulled off his headphones just fast enough to catch the tail end of Kitty’s greeting.

“—morning, Stefan,” she chirped, already behind him and heading into the kitchen. “You’re up early.” He heard dishes shifting and the refrigerator opening.

“Oh, ah, yes,” he managed, shutting his laptop and starting to get up. “Let me help.”

“Sit back down,” she scolded, not even looking at him. “You’re a guest, and you’re busy.”

“It’s not a problem,” he insisted, but suspected it was a futile attempt. Though Stefan had only just properly met Kitty, he had the feeling that whatever she decided was law and that there would be no changing her mind.

“Sit and get back to work,” she confirmed, and Stefan obliged, opening his laptop again and continuing on the assignment, though he left his headphones out. It was impossibly homey, working on the couch in his sleep clothes, feet crossed beneath him, the sounds and smells of breakfast enveloping him. Time seemed to drip slowly by like honey, and the moment felt just as sweet. Stefan lost himself in it, in the work and the comfort, and didn’t notice Colin entering the room until he plopped down beside Stefan on the couch.

“Getting a head start?” he drawled. Stefan saved his document before looking over to find a groggy Colin, rubbing at one of his eyes and smiling absentmindedly.

“For another class,” Stefan clarified. Colin leaned over to take a look at the screen.

“An essay?” he asked, blinking sleep from his eyes. “I didn’t think most of the computer science courses did essays.”

“They don’t,” Stefan confirmed. Colin raised an eyebrow, confusion just behind his expression.

“Are you late taking your gen-ed requirements for English or something?” he tried, and Stefan shrugged.

“Or something,” he answered. “It’s for one of the English upper-levels.” Colin didn’t even try to answer that one, just cocking his head to the side in a silent question. “I’m an English major.”

“You’re—what?” Colin managed succinctly. “I thought you were computer science.”

“I’m double majoring,” Stefan explained. “I thought you knew.”

“I did not,” he said, leaning back into the couch again. Stefan didn’t say anything for a moment, seeing the wheels in Colin’s head turning slowly. “I did not,” he repeated. Apparently, the wheels were particularly slow today.

“It never came up,” Stefan said quickly. “Don’t feel bad.”

“I _do_ feelbad,” Colin countered, shifting on the couch to face Stefan. “I should know these things, yeah?”

“If you want,” Stefan tried, looking down and away from Colin’s intense gaze.

“I do.” Colin’s voice was soft as he took Stefan’s hand, coaxing Stefan to look back towards him. “I want to know. I should know my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” was all Stefan could focus on in that sentence.

“Breakfast!” Kitty called in sing-song, waltzing into the room and motioning for them to go into the kitchen. No one moved for a long moment, Stefan dumbfounded and Colin looking about ready to bite his tongue. “Before it’s cold,” Kitty added harshly, and they both looked away from each other and headed into the kitchen, where three plates waited patiently at the table. “I’ll be back with Pearl.” Once Kitty left, the room fell into uncomfortable silence.

“Yes,” Colin finally said, as though what he meant ought to be plainly obvious. “Boyfriend,” he added, pushing his fork into the omelet before him. Stefan tried to remember how to breathe.

“Boyfriend,” he repeated, doing his best to sound like he was not choking. Colin squinted up at him.

“If that’s alright,” he clarified, and Stefan nodded so hard he was sure to have whiplash.

“Yes, alright.” He tried to sound cool and was sure he monumentally failed. For a minute, the only sounds in the room were chewing and the metal scrape of fork against plate.

“So,” Colin started, and Stefan found his eyes disarmingly gentle, “English?”

“English,” Stefan agreed. “I’ve always—I read a lot, as a kid. Wrote some, too.”

“And you still write?” Colin sounded almost _excited_ by that comment, and Stefan struggled not to let his grin overtake too much of his face.

“Sometimes, yes,” he affirmed, and Colin hummed, biting into a slice of bacon.

“Are you any good?” he asked, his voice full of typical sarcasm, but his smile undercut the bite.

“Mm, not at all,” Stefan answered and made it exactly five seconds before he burst out laughing, Colin joining him almost immediately. Once they calmed down, Colin looked back at up him with a smirk.

“I’d like to read some, sometime,” he stated. Stefan didn’t think Colin could understand how significant that—wanting to read his writing—was, how honored and pleased and _happy_ it made Stefan feel. He rarely shared his writing. Actually, he _never_ shared his writing, but he wanted to share it with Colin. He wanted to share _all_ of himself with Colin.

“Alright,” he agreed, and he didn’t even feel nervous. It was Colin. It was his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIGHT FAM!! MORE TO COME!!
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS CHAPTER AS WELL AS ABOUT THE COMPETITION!!!! IT'S UP TO ALL OF YOU!! I'll have more specific rules and guidelines or whatever once I get some input from you <3
> 
> ALRIGHT!! COMMENT, KUDOS, SHARE, ALL THAT JAZZ, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTER!! <3


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